i'm so tired but i can't sleep



check out 3:20.
1010101010101011101010101010101010101010101010111010101010001000

today, i had the shittiest hell of an experience for my once-a-year event of christmas family gathering. but opening my mother's present to me just made everything better. my mum is the sweetest ever, and i couldn't ask for a better mother, better parents, or a better family to be born with.

the peace of the night down that small road was beautiful to take in. there was a familiarity, made pristine by the quiet and the cool of such a place at 2 am. i stopped to imagine the 'other' me, who might be known to this place as more than just a passerby. then, i wasn't too sure if it was him or me who lingered. and then i trod a path that an old me had once trod, and i sat at a stone table that a fallen king had once sat. and i wondered about people sleeping high up above me, naturally oblivious to a ghost. and then i walked on, because i'm not a ghost. it might be that certain things took place here, or they may have not. what matters is in my arms and that which my hands can create, that bring a peace to my mind.

just came back from chatting with a senior at cgh. its a long and tough road ahead. came home to my mum heating up soup and trying to "tempt" me to take some, then commenting on eh how come so little left, must be someone, maybe my little sister, who drank it. and then she went on to talk about how the maid is going to fly home for a while soon, and so these few days is asking to have some time off to send money, to meet a friend. then actually tuesday supposed to send money, wednesday meet friend, but now she wants to monday send money, and tuesday meet friend, but my mum doesn't like that cos tuesday she wants to bring us kids out for a treat of jap food because we seldom hangout outside as a family, only on rare occasions like these where it's school holidays and she took leave. so she's noticed that the one outstanding issue she needs to keep in mind and solve is to see if the maid can ask her friend to meet on another day. and i put my cup on the sink counter and walked towards my kitchen window which has the metal holes outside to put the bamboo poles for drying clothes, what i know as 'tek ko', and smelled the sweet air of the east that is at night or in the morning.. and i thought to myself, if my life had taken any other turn it might have been less elite, less complicated, and much simpler..

wouldn't it?