Sunday, November 28, 2010
i've always felt so, but never verbalised this point. i think many people like, and aim for a shot of the moon that is that of a very clear full moon, big magnification that sees all the craters and moon surfaces clearly, in the process showing its natural grey colour. i think not nice. i think it doesnt even appeal at all.. what makes mid-autumn festival, what makes the moon into the beautiful and romantic 婵娟 it is, is when we see it round and full, glowing yellow, but thus blur because of the clouds that help make it yellow, as we raise our heads to check on it on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month. its not the clear, high resolution, even chromatically-correct moon we are able to snap with cameras that holds any meaning - but the blur, but glowing yellow orb of a moon that we capture in our minds, that is what we truly pine for.
a random saying to do with the moon that also counts in this post!: shoot for the moon, for if you miss, you'll still land amongst the stars..
a random saying to do with the moon that also counts in this post!: shoot for the moon, for if you miss, you'll still land amongst the stars..
today, went all the way to ntu residences with my family, cos my cousin asked us over for dinner haha. she's back from being a prof in aus, so she's now a prof in ntu and is living there lol. the little apartment is really nice! haha i saw my nieces again, they are so young and cute lol. the youngest is SOO cute lol, they are so RANDOM HAHA! oh and its like when we all came in she couldnt recognise us, but cos we waved at her she waved very enthusiastically back at us - but with a frown on her face LOL. she soon broke into tears and started crying as she continued to wave enthusiastically at us hahaha. but later on she remembered she's seen us before then she was mainly ok/play with us haha. the elder one was being a good sis today! she took care of her little sis, asking her random questions abt if she was 'ok', and helping her scoop cake so that she can take and eat and all that :) i made random lame jokes at them to coax them to laugh, the way my dad would with kids hahaha :) watching them.. i think abt kids of my own haha. what a nice day next time, to be home on a weekend morning, in my small little apartment with my family, holding my own kid caressing and carrying her and playing haha. :) it'd be so nice, when i have kids of my own, my own family next time.. sigh.
was just speaking to slau on msn.. he's living his dream lol. :) so happy for him.. he's srsly living his dream right now i guess haha. wish i was living mine.
was just speaking to slau on msn.. he's living his dream lol. :) so happy for him.. he's srsly living his dream right now i guess haha. wish i was living mine.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
wow i love the weather this morning. the rain was so heavy and the sky was so dark that, without the lights on, my little room and my little life looks like its in black and white haha!
Friday, November 19, 2010
i love it when my elder sis smiles :) she's like the baby of the house, she shouts "DADDY!" whenever someone opens the door, and just now i was playing with her cos she kept laughing over some rubber band, and i just keep on 逗她笑 haha. she tears magazines, plays with kids toys, and laughs haha :) i want a baby!! :( hahaha
fell asleep last night, slept for freaking long (argh dint study) and dreamt of all sorts of random stuff. or at least impressions of things. i dont like. touches and scents i'll never have again.
i think i like strife. i cant stand spoonfeeding, or being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. of course this is put in the modern day, 1st world country context la haha.
fell asleep last night, slept for freaking long (argh dint study) and dreamt of all sorts of random stuff. or at least impressions of things. i dont like. touches and scents i'll never have again.
i think i like strife. i cant stand spoonfeeding, or being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. of course this is put in the modern day, 1st world country context la haha.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
very wishful thinking.
i alr very sian diao and whatever at how in their version of the story, actually in everyone's version of the story, i am the bad guy. like lol i'm not. but whatever. but does anyone actually consider how i might be hurting too? how messed up this whole thing is for me too. how i am unstable, and not coping very well too?
well no thanks for all the not helping. appreciate all my friends who try to help but cant do anyth abt me. the ppl who can.. well, thanks for abandoning me.
after all, i am not special. i am not a beautiful or unique snowflake. i am the same decaying organic matter as everything else. so its all very wishful thinking, that my life can pick up somewhere.
i know you're not gonna read this but, i'm really sorry for everything i caused you.
i alr very sian diao and whatever at how in their version of the story, actually in everyone's version of the story, i am the bad guy. like lol i'm not. but whatever. but does anyone actually consider how i might be hurting too? how messed up this whole thing is for me too. how i am unstable, and not coping very well too?
well no thanks for all the not helping. appreciate all my friends who try to help but cant do anyth abt me. the ppl who can.. well, thanks for abandoning me.
after all, i am not special. i am not a beautiful or unique snowflake. i am the same decaying organic matter as everything else. so its all very wishful thinking, that my life can pick up somewhere.
i know you're not gonna read this but, i'm really sorry for everything i caused you.
:( just saw the o'tiero 2009 batch dance video, the dance we choreo-ed, chenyang posted it on facebook. then went to listen the batch song we composed. life was.. so much simpler back in those days. loved being a youngster, life was.. young and dumb and simple and nice. rly miss those days, rly wish for those days now.
when da vinci said "once you have tasted flight, your eyes will forever be turned skywards - for there you have been, and there you will always long to return", i wonder if he had this many extrapolations. because wow srsly. its hard to adjust to being flightless. long to return to the skies. i belong there.
right now, life seems like a game and i just cant win. i miss my jc life..
when da vinci said "once you have tasted flight, your eyes will forever be turned skywards - for there you have been, and there you will always long to return", i wonder if he had this many extrapolations. because wow srsly. its hard to adjust to being flightless. long to return to the skies. i belong there.
right now, life seems like a game and i just cant win. i miss my jc life..
Sunday, November 14, 2010
would you still give cpr, if you were reminded of the fact that you dont know if the stranger has any transmissible diseases?
ppl always save themselves first, in an inquisition. the sicker of those ppl worry about how to act all righteous still after that.
studied with nat at marine parade starbucks ytd! i was surprisingly productive haha, it was really nice studying there!! the atmosphere was just right and really nice. drone of crowd remained perfectly background, and smooth jazz christmas songs were playing haha. the aircon was freezing though. but the environment was so nice :) had a rly nice chat over dinner too. it was great company :D
today, went out with rj guitar guys haha. the handburger shop (or whatever its called) has actually quite nice food, but its pretty costly :/ played random pool and random arcade with them, dint jam and dint movie, and i think with more rest/sleep/water it'd've been nice too to just sit and talk cock haha. guys guys guys haha. eh must re mos outing on a good non exam period again leh.
damn irritating.. dont know what anyone wants, or who anyone is. truly is. or if things are the "right things". and i got a feeling we can never tell, and will forever be in doubt haha wth? its pretty amazing too, how much younger and more in shape barney and robin seriously physically looked, after they broke up in how i met your mother
ppl always save themselves first, in an inquisition. the sicker of those ppl worry about how to act all righteous still after that.
studied with nat at marine parade starbucks ytd! i was surprisingly productive haha, it was really nice studying there!! the atmosphere was just right and really nice. drone of crowd remained perfectly background, and smooth jazz christmas songs were playing haha. the aircon was freezing though. but the environment was so nice :) had a rly nice chat over dinner too. it was great company :D
today, went out with rj guitar guys haha. the handburger shop (or whatever its called) has actually quite nice food, but its pretty costly :/ played random pool and random arcade with them, dint jam and dint movie, and i think with more rest/sleep/water it'd've been nice too to just sit and talk cock haha. guys guys guys haha. eh must re mos outing on a good non exam period again leh.
damn irritating.. dont know what anyone wants, or who anyone is. truly is. or if things are the "right things". and i got a feeling we can never tell, and will forever be in doubt haha wth? its pretty amazing too, how much younger and more in shape barney and robin seriously physically looked, after they broke up in how i met your mother
Friday, November 12, 2010
its newton's 3rd law of motion..
this morning i was thinking, pokemon red version (the rly old one) is kinda dark haha. you realise in the game, you kinda have no friends. you're always left out of everything, nobody really has a serious conversation with you, nor truly cares about you. the most decent of those people dont even treat you seriously enough to make more than superficial statements to you. your only friends are make-belief animals u keep as pets called pokemon, and ur closest thing to having a relationship is probably with team rocket, some sort of archnemesis you only see once in a while (read: the comedian ranting to a retired moloch when he got drunk). even gary doesnt really have any much connection with you, he's just like any other trainer on the street. everyone is dystopian-ly plastic, and you're seriously alone in this world. at least theres an old guy who just decides to hand you his "super rod" because he is honoured that you appreciate fishing too. wth but quite dark huh. kinda like the postulated ending for doraemon, in which da xiong is actually an autistic kid who is hiding in a closet dreaming up a robotic cat from the future called doraemon to be his friend, and that all these immense number of episodes and stories with him and doraemon, are dreamt up by the autistic him. he then dies in a coma in the closet.
to all the good ppl out there, i wish you well. to all the defenseless ppl.. i wish to be empowered enough to protect you..
this morning i was thinking, pokemon red version (the rly old one) is kinda dark haha. you realise in the game, you kinda have no friends. you're always left out of everything, nobody really has a serious conversation with you, nor truly cares about you. the most decent of those people dont even treat you seriously enough to make more than superficial statements to you. your only friends are make-belief animals u keep as pets called pokemon, and ur closest thing to having a relationship is probably with team rocket, some sort of archnemesis you only see once in a while (read: the comedian ranting to a retired moloch when he got drunk). even gary doesnt really have any much connection with you, he's just like any other trainer on the street. everyone is dystopian-ly plastic, and you're seriously alone in this world. at least theres an old guy who just decides to hand you his "super rod" because he is honoured that you appreciate fishing too. wth but quite dark huh. kinda like the postulated ending for doraemon, in which da xiong is actually an autistic kid who is hiding in a closet dreaming up a robotic cat from the future called doraemon to be his friend, and that all these immense number of episodes and stories with him and doraemon, are dreamt up by the autistic him. he then dies in a coma in the closet.
to all the good ppl out there, i wish you well. to all the defenseless ppl.. i wish to be empowered enough to protect you..
why ah. why is this a mess..
Thursday, November 11, 2010
this event in my life is kinda like minority report. arrested on 18th october 2010. i cant remember how the movie ends though..
watched megamind today! wow it actually is quite good, tighten, forgetting where i put my invisible car haha, and the SOUNDTRACK omg wow! acdc highway to hell back in black, ozzy osbourne crazy train, gnr welcome to the jungle!! best setlist ever haha.
and i finally understand the tented t waves! thanks prof hooi! now on for the rest :/ cant wait to be a doc man, cos i'm gonna be a good one :)
watched megamind today! wow it actually is quite good, tighten, forgetting where i put my invisible car haha, and the SOUNDTRACK omg wow! acdc highway to hell back in black, ozzy osbourne crazy train, gnr welcome to the jungle!! best setlist ever haha.
and i finally understand the tented t waves! thanks prof hooi! now on for the rest :/ cant wait to be a doc man, cos i'm gonna be a good one :)
so what, everyday i carry on, grinning to myself and handling it lightly as if i am a johnny depp movie character, nonchalant, until one day, i finally find a reason to live, and it ends in the right romantic manner. :) except it doesnt. and i die alone. HAHA. the tragedy in that!
you know there's an abstruse goose comic that goes: "here's my number, you can call me later. by later i mean in about 5 years." its not a score -.- its fked up. its.. possibly life haha. screw this -.-
or maybe.. :O!??!?!?!?! haha i had 1.5hrs of sleep last night. so tired? playhouse jamming was nice though. :) i really like the people :)
you know there's an abstruse goose comic that goes: "here's my number, you can call me later. by later i mean in about 5 years." its not a score -.- its fked up. its.. possibly life haha. screw this -.-
or maybe.. :O!??!?!?!?! haha i had 1.5hrs of sleep last night. so tired? playhouse jamming was nice though. :) i really like the people :)
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
i like how it doesnt matter if i set the wrong wallpaper on my handphone/its not nice after i set it. cos after 1hr, its gonna change to some random picture off the picture pool on the net (i downloaded some app that changes my phone wallpaper every hour for fun haha).
this is somewhat in line with today's himym episode's nugget of wisdom.. extinct college marshall, extinct corporate marshall.. haha. it doesnt matter cos it doesnt stay/its gonna change. hmm not too sure what we should extrapolate from that, but it sure is a nice small nugget of wisdom haha. himym tends to have such awesome things. i also like the look zoe and ted exchanges at the end of the ep!! omg does this mean shes gonna stay? at least for a while.. i think its v sweet how they are fighting against each other (zoe is an activist against ted's architectural project), yet they came tog (somehow). v cute haha! how nice if life were a movie/tv show right. at least things happen in a sleek/romantic fashion, rather than the tasteless lame manner the same things happen in real life haha.
on the note of two forces fighting.. haha reminds me of how i discuss with kenneth (kerry) about having someone forceful HAHA. v difficult to explain, not forceful as in dominance, but as in, someone that you can fight alongside? someone as potent a personality lol. in a pleasant manner. hahaha. but even that might change, like my 1hr long phone wallpaper haha.
i'm sick! hmm and i'm wondering whats in store for me tomorrow. its always a good feeling. i'm crazy haha :)
this is somewhat in line with today's himym episode's nugget of wisdom.. extinct college marshall, extinct corporate marshall.. haha. it doesnt matter cos it doesnt stay/its gonna change. hmm not too sure what we should extrapolate from that, but it sure is a nice small nugget of wisdom haha. himym tends to have such awesome things. i also like the look zoe and ted exchanges at the end of the ep!! omg does this mean shes gonna stay? at least for a while.. i think its v sweet how they are fighting against each other (zoe is an activist against ted's architectural project), yet they came tog (somehow). v cute haha! how nice if life were a movie/tv show right. at least things happen in a sleek/romantic fashion, rather than the tasteless lame manner the same things happen in real life haha.
on the note of two forces fighting.. haha reminds me of how i discuss with kenneth (kerry) about having someone forceful HAHA. v difficult to explain, not forceful as in dominance, but as in, someone that you can fight alongside? someone as potent a personality lol. in a pleasant manner. hahaha. but even that might change, like my 1hr long phone wallpaper haha.
i'm sick! hmm and i'm wondering whats in store for me tomorrow. its always a good feeling. i'm crazy haha :)
Sunday, November 07, 2010
"if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." - abraham maslow
i just had the most mind-blowing, energy consuming conversation/thought-process with g girish on the train home. we work similarly, we don't get started because we read of the works and thoughts of the greats (to a very little extent), but more of because we just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. we think so much that we get depressed. and we are depressed because we are prisoners. yet we are prisoners only to a master, that is ourselves. and soon enough this conversation will disappear into thin air, much like the spoken word it is, and memento-like - we are back to square one.
but lets try to remember that, what we've established, it means we are in the freest state of mind we can possibly be, ever.
i just had the most mind-blowing, energy consuming conversation/thought-process with g girish on the train home. we work similarly, we don't get started because we read of the works and thoughts of the greats (to a very little extent), but more of because we just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. we think so much that we get depressed. and we are depressed because we are prisoners. yet we are prisoners only to a master, that is ourselves. and soon enough this conversation will disappear into thin air, much like the spoken word it is, and memento-like - we are back to square one.
but lets try to remember that, what we've established, it means we are in the freest state of mind we can possibly be, ever.
Friday, November 05, 2010
seriously a genius of a strip, from abstruse goose:
maple leaf rag.. life is a joke lol.
maple leaf rag....... it rly drives you crazy man hahaha.
earlier, i heard some random simple but pop piano music (standard chord prog, Fmaj7, G, Em, Am, Fmaj7, G, C or smth) on tv, and it made me feel like watching those kinda romantic/tragedy/sad/withgoodpianomusic kind of kdrama/japdrama/taiwan drama lol. damn random. but nice simple pop piano music is nice haha.
everytime i look at you.. i dont know how you do it. how do you do it?
maple leaf rag.. life is a joke lol.
maple leaf rag....... it rly drives you crazy man hahaha.
earlier, i heard some random simple but pop piano music (standard chord prog, Fmaj7, G, Em, Am, Fmaj7, G, C or smth) on tv, and it made me feel like watching those kinda romantic/tragedy/sad/withgoodpianomusic kind of kdrama/japdrama/taiwan drama lol. damn random. but nice simple pop piano music is nice haha.
everytime i look at you.. i dont know how you do it. how do you do it?
Monday, November 01, 2010
if i were the hiok i were (and not the mess i am right now), i wouldnt be thinking such thoughts. i would go out there and literally be awesome. i would go out there, and do stuff, and succeed. not stare into space considering not even trying because something is futile. i would be part of things, i would not be helpless.
i would actually do something about it. most of all, i'd be strong through it all, i would know what to do. and i would have so much positive energy it makes the world a better place.
i somehow cant do this, and i would like to be me again.
i would actually do something about it. most of all, i'd be strong through it all, i would know what to do. and i would have so much positive energy it makes the world a better place.
i somehow cant do this, and i would like to be me again.