Friday, December 31, 2010
trying my best alr..
degree of experientialism.. as per what me and will discussed, if i had a cup of water, it would be overflowing. most people's water level would be around that of the ice water restaurants serve. its a distribution curve, along the vertical side of a mos burger softdrink cup haha. and the large part of the bump will be at that level, with a bit of a tail going to below that level. i'm at the other tail, above and outside of the cup.. will reckons maybe about 10% of ppl are in that tail, i don't like my prospects. it makes me sad and sian, feel like its the end of me, unless extreme brownian motion takes place. because actually you are here, but asldkjfslskdjf.
haha i'm hooked onto one of jay chou's new song, 好久不见! its easy-going and quite upbeat, yet quite sad i feel haha. sounds familiar, hmm
so 2010 has come to an end, tmr is 2011. its a new year..
haha i'm hooked onto one of jay chou's new song, 好久不见! its easy-going and quite upbeat, yet quite sad i feel haha. sounds familiar, hmm
so 2010 has come to an end, tmr is 2011. its a new year..
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
you have me under a spell. have me pining, every moment. i can't think about anything else. i see taiwan unreel before my eyes. i see myself speak to you, but i don't. i pine, soo hard. you don't know, but i'm committed to a sentence. probably you don't care. with discharge around my nostrils, i carry on by being swept along. drifting, like a ghost, making no steps of my own. i am alone. i want to wear my gold hat, but i can't find it. you are driving me crazy, yet i can't seem to even be that. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm left sitting here, decaying, with melancholic music playing..
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
my dad was telling us a story on the car -
once, there was an old monk,and a young monk traveling along a river bank, when they came across a pregnant lady who was really pretty. she smiled shyly at them, and said she wanted to cross the river, but would have difficulty doing so as she was pregnant with child. she batted her eyelids at them, and asked if they would help carry her across.
the young monk, with his vows of abstinence from anything women in mind, apologised and said he could not help her, as it would involve bodily intimacy with the lady which he deems unacceptable. he then advised her to seek a different route to the other side.
the old monk took a look at the lady, and proceeded to swoop her up from the ground with his two arms. he then carried her across the river. the young monk did not have a chance to voice his objections to the old monk's actions, so he just followed them across. on the other side, the monks parted ways with the lady, who expressed her thanks to them.
the two monks continued their journey along the river bank in silence. but this incident kept bugging the younger monk. he finally couldn't take it anymore and voice out to the older monk: "we took a strict vow of abstinence from anything women, why did you so readily carry that lady and have close body contact with her?"
the old monk said nothing.
the young monk asked again: "did you think you were right in doing so, disregarding vows our teachers strictly made us observe?"
to that, the old monk said nothing as well.
yet the young monk asked again: "did you really think what you did was acceptable, or were you just too weak to block out her feminine charms in your mind?"
again, the old monk said nothing.
for the rest of the journey, the young monk kept asking the old monk why he acted the way he did to the situation, and why was he not strong enough to say no to the lady. he asked and asked and repeated his questions and thoughts about the lady to the old monk for the rest of the day, all of which the old monk remained silent to.
finally, at sunset, they reach the mouth of the river. the young monk was still at it, asking the old monk: "why weren't you strong enough to keep that woman out of your mind?"
to which the old monk finally replied: "since we parted ways with the lady, i have long put her aside and out of my mind. i merely helped a fellow in need, and have since long forgotten about her. why have YOU been keeping her at the top of YOUR mind the whole time?"
felt a certain sort of peace after i heard the story..
on a totally separate note, there are some things i just cant get out of my head. like how i miss ri and rj life, and.. things i have been thinking about the whole morning. my brother's going ri next year, and following my parents and him to "school" today and showing him around the place i called home for 4 years, then looking on over into the place that was my playground for the next 2 years, i really miss having fun and shit there. ahh jc life.
once, there was an old monk,and a young monk traveling along a river bank, when they came across a pregnant lady who was really pretty. she smiled shyly at them, and said she wanted to cross the river, but would have difficulty doing so as she was pregnant with child. she batted her eyelids at them, and asked if they would help carry her across.
the young monk, with his vows of abstinence from anything women in mind, apologised and said he could not help her, as it would involve bodily intimacy with the lady which he deems unacceptable. he then advised her to seek a different route to the other side.
the old monk took a look at the lady, and proceeded to swoop her up from the ground with his two arms. he then carried her across the river. the young monk did not have a chance to voice his objections to the old monk's actions, so he just followed them across. on the other side, the monks parted ways with the lady, who expressed her thanks to them.
the two monks continued their journey along the river bank in silence. but this incident kept bugging the younger monk. he finally couldn't take it anymore and voice out to the older monk: "we took a strict vow of abstinence from anything women, why did you so readily carry that lady and have close body contact with her?"
the old monk said nothing.
the young monk asked again: "did you think you were right in doing so, disregarding vows our teachers strictly made us observe?"
to that, the old monk said nothing as well.
yet the young monk asked again: "did you really think what you did was acceptable, or were you just too weak to block out her feminine charms in your mind?"
again, the old monk said nothing.
for the rest of the journey, the young monk kept asking the old monk why he acted the way he did to the situation, and why was he not strong enough to say no to the lady. he asked and asked and repeated his questions and thoughts about the lady to the old monk for the rest of the day, all of which the old monk remained silent to.
finally, at sunset, they reach the mouth of the river. the young monk was still at it, asking the old monk: "why weren't you strong enough to keep that woman out of your mind?"
to which the old monk finally replied: "since we parted ways with the lady, i have long put her aside and out of my mind. i merely helped a fellow in need, and have since long forgotten about her. why have YOU been keeping her at the top of YOUR mind the whole time?"
felt a certain sort of peace after i heard the story..
on a totally separate note, there are some things i just cant get out of my head. like how i miss ri and rj life, and.. things i have been thinking about the whole morning. my brother's going ri next year, and following my parents and him to "school" today and showing him around the place i called home for 4 years, then looking on over into the place that was my playground for the next 2 years, i really miss having fun and shit there. ahh jc life.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
i won't wake up,
to the sound of your feet
walking down the hall
like a soft heartbeat
i won't wake up -
cos by the time that i do you'll be gone
to the sound of your feet
walking down the hall
like a soft heartbeat
i won't wake up -
cos by the time that i do you'll be gone
Saturday, December 25, 2010
i just got woken up from my sleep, my mum came to me with a problem - she had bought christmas presents for all the relatives, cousins and nieces, but did not get one for my dad. my dad doesn't celebrate christmas, and doesn't like getting gifts for christmas, but my mum usually gets him some shirt anyway. my mum wanted to go out quickly to get him smth, but its raining so she cant, and she asked if i had any ideas. well i already gave my dad what i bought for him in cambodia, so at first i was at my wits' end, and my mum left the room.
but then i looked around the dump that is called my table, and i found a nice chrome heart-shaped photoframe.. that i bought and wanted to do stuff for sharona last time but never got the chance to do it. so i called my mum over and asked her to have it haha. she was like "huh, you sure ah" then i "er ya, take take take" lol.
then i went to find and print the photograph i took of them recently:
haha i love my parents! what a happy looking couple! :) my mum thinks this present will make my dad very happy haha. but actually i think it makes her very happy too.
haha. so glad that the photoframe went out to a happy couple.. :)
merry christmas, everyone!
but then i looked around the dump that is called my table, and i found a nice chrome heart-shaped photoframe.. that i bought and wanted to do stuff for sharona last time but never got the chance to do it. so i called my mum over and asked her to have it haha. she was like "huh, you sure ah" then i "er ya, take take take" lol.
then i went to find and print the photograph i took of them recently:
haha i love my parents! what a happy looking couple! :) my mum thinks this present will make my dad very happy haha. but actually i think it makes her very happy too.
haha. so glad that the photoframe went out to a happy couple.. :)
merry christmas, everyone!
Friday, December 24, 2010
i watched i love you phillip morris last night! its a really cool show, plus what the heck its a true story haha.
"when two hearts race, both win." aww :)
"when two hearts race, both win." aww :)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
ok i finally typed out my thoughts and reflections on project sabai 2010 in blogger drafts, raw straight out of point forms i've been taking down on my phone throughout the trip itself haha. no need to really post it here, as they are too raw, and mainly self-discoveries and lessons learnt/lessons i already know but the trip reminded me.
really grateful that they are all positive things :) life is delicate, its a beautiful mess
watched confessions (kokuhaku) today! i think its trying to say the opposite about life! or is it?
dno but i felt like ending tonight's post with something i saw a while back in grey's anatomy. izzy tells the girl george saved, that nobody knows how to live life, we're all just trying to live it the best way we can. so i guess thats what we do haha.
speaking of grey's anatomy, i really like what derek shepherd says everytime before he begins a surgery. i'm gonna say it next time :)
really grateful that they are all positive things :) life is delicate, its a beautiful mess
watched confessions (kokuhaku) today! i think its trying to say the opposite about life! or is it?
dno but i felt like ending tonight's post with something i saw a while back in grey's anatomy. izzy tells the girl george saved, that nobody knows how to live life, we're all just trying to live it the best way we can. so i guess thats what we do haha.
speaking of grey's anatomy, i really like what derek shepherd says everytime before he begins a surgery. i'm gonna say it next time :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
i just watched yes man! haha. i didnt know the concept that i was trying to live was already played out in a movie haha. the movie talks about "going out there" to "live life" by saying yes to everything and anything, and stop saying no/making excuses.
essentially i think they are trying to say we should stop being afraid in taking a step out, and saying yes to things to try, to live the way we want, to do the things we want. (apparently its loosely based on a real life story and book by some guy who decided to say yes to everything and anything for a period of time as a challenge to himself, i wonder how it worked practically really) the movie also pointed out the flaw that if one says yes to everything and anything because he has to due to making a promise to himself that he should, then when will he really be saying yes cos he wants to do something, rather than because he has to. which the movie answered as, the saying yes to everything part is only the beginning, to get started cos you might be afraid to say yes to things, and keep saying no and making excuses. but once you start saying yes, and get to see how much more you can give, how much more you can live, that you'll start saying yes to things you want, and live the way you want. not blindly just saying yes cos you have to anymore, but saying yes cos you want to, and saying no when you have to.
tracing back to how the real guy behind the book started, he heard a stranger say 'say yes more' on a bus and decided to take it up as a challenge.. guess we all ought to say yes more, in a good way haha. yea i know its just a movie, in fact the movie is made more as a work of fiction than as a message.. but i'm pretty drawn to the idea of living as i want, by being spontaneous, being anyhow, and saying yes to everything and anything as i want haha. i guess thats the crazy me and the crazy life i lead haha. and i'm pretty happy i've kinda been leading it! well its a large part of how my trip in cambodia went, guess thats why i enjoyed myself so much haha.
saw this a while back but posting it now:
love the film (500) days of summerrr!!! :) its awesome, i really like joseph gordon levitt, i think he is really cool haha! and ZOOEY DESCHANEL OMGGG! she's so pretty! and she has bangs haha. and she's always playing some sort of half-crazy girl in shows haha. she's awesome! i remembered this cos she acted in yes man! too haha, and yes she was acting as some sort of half-crazy random dynamic spontaneous cool pretty girl who lives life the way she wants :D
i need my own zooey deschanel :/
essentially i think they are trying to say we should stop being afraid in taking a step out, and saying yes to things to try, to live the way we want, to do the things we want. (apparently its loosely based on a real life story and book by some guy who decided to say yes to everything and anything for a period of time as a challenge to himself, i wonder how it worked practically really) the movie also pointed out the flaw that if one says yes to everything and anything because he has to due to making a promise to himself that he should, then when will he really be saying yes cos he wants to do something, rather than because he has to. which the movie answered as, the saying yes to everything part is only the beginning, to get started cos you might be afraid to say yes to things, and keep saying no and making excuses. but once you start saying yes, and get to see how much more you can give, how much more you can live, that you'll start saying yes to things you want, and live the way you want. not blindly just saying yes cos you have to anymore, but saying yes cos you want to, and saying no when you have to.
tracing back to how the real guy behind the book started, he heard a stranger say 'say yes more' on a bus and decided to take it up as a challenge.. guess we all ought to say yes more, in a good way haha. yea i know its just a movie, in fact the movie is made more as a work of fiction than as a message.. but i'm pretty drawn to the idea of living as i want, by being spontaneous, being anyhow, and saying yes to everything and anything as i want haha. i guess thats the crazy me and the crazy life i lead haha. and i'm pretty happy i've kinda been leading it! well its a large part of how my trip in cambodia went, guess thats why i enjoyed myself so much haha.
saw this a while back but posting it now:
love the film (500) days of summerrr!!! :) its awesome, i really like joseph gordon levitt, i think he is really cool haha! and ZOOEY DESCHANEL OMGGG! she's so pretty! and she has bangs haha. and she's always playing some sort of half-crazy girl in shows haha. she's awesome! i remembered this cos she acted in yes man! too haha, and yes she was acting as some sort of half-crazy random dynamic spontaneous cool pretty girl who lives life the way she wants :D
i need my own zooey deschanel :/
Thursday, December 09, 2010
the yamashita recording of the classic chinese children's song 小白船 never fails to bring me peace and calm..
that night i heard it live, well, what a night it was! a night full of sorrowful epiphanies.. but none of which aren't essential for life, beautiful as it is, to go on.
wow. the melody is so beautiful :)
that'll be the last 3 minutes i spend slacking tonight i guess.. tmr is ca2!! time to work hard haha. and i want to work hard! to save my loved ones, and my loved ones' loved ones :) another reason to add to all the inspiration. "where there's a breath, there's hope!"
right after tmr's exam, the next day i'm headed to cambodia.. project sabai!
time to breathe :)
that night i heard it live, well, what a night it was! a night full of sorrowful epiphanies.. but none of which aren't essential for life, beautiful as it is, to go on.
wow. the melody is so beautiful :)
that'll be the last 3 minutes i spend slacking tonight i guess.. tmr is ca2!! time to work hard haha. and i want to work hard! to save my loved ones, and my loved ones' loved ones :) another reason to add to all the inspiration. "where there's a breath, there's hope!"
right after tmr's exam, the next day i'm headed to cambodia.. project sabai!
time to breathe :)
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
i am twisted, ugly, disgusting. i am a devil. i am unworthy.
right?
until i am worthy..
right?
until i am worthy..
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
wow. ytd was the juniors' prom. at swissotel as well. i dint know haha. met waikit today so he told me.. wow, so its been a year since our prom..
looking at their photos on facebook.. in fact i dint even look at much, i just zoomed kept clicking and eventually scanned some of their "jc days" photos. tsk. and this sigh bittersweet frustrating happy shitty feeling is just overtaking me now. wow. those are the days man. those.. really are the days. days when ppl are young, and carefree, and fun. when life was much simpler, and things were much more familiar, but yet exciting.
a quiet, blue morning in rj canteen during a lvl study period.. or a not so quiet after all morning in rj canteen right before morning assembly. a late morning assembly. now whats that guailan name of the free block we used to have on mondays that let us start school later? haha blue mornings.. cold windy mornings. windy benches. amphitheatre. sunny very sunny when walking uncovered walk way second floor from hall to parade square.. to canteen. canteen canteen smells.. like a school. not like a cookhouse, or a hawker center (nus?), but like. with uniforms kind of school.
i'm only 19 ffs. i'm not that much older. but i was so young back then. life.. was so young back then. i really miss rj days. those were some times man.
haha nostalgia.... the past is like.. japan to me. except its shittier cos i can actually go japan.
being one year older than waikit, and seeing him liddat.. i cant help but root for him haha.
haiya. waikit updating me about his friends and batchmates. make me laugh. make me miss the life i had in rj. its all gone now though.
haha. i'm sure there's something more i can hold on to in the present and in the future too lah..
looking at their photos on facebook.. in fact i dint even look at much, i just zoomed kept clicking and eventually scanned some of their "jc days" photos. tsk. and this sigh bittersweet frustrating happy shitty feeling is just overtaking me now. wow. those are the days man. those.. really are the days. days when ppl are young, and carefree, and fun. when life was much simpler, and things were much more familiar, but yet exciting.
a quiet, blue morning in rj canteen during a lvl study period.. or a not so quiet after all morning in rj canteen right before morning assembly. a late morning assembly. now whats that guailan name of the free block we used to have on mondays that let us start school later? haha blue mornings.. cold windy mornings. windy benches. amphitheatre. sunny very sunny when walking uncovered walk way second floor from hall to parade square.. to canteen. canteen canteen smells.. like a school. not like a cookhouse, or a hawker center (nus?), but like. with uniforms kind of school.
i'm only 19 ffs. i'm not that much older. but i was so young back then. life.. was so young back then. i really miss rj days. those were some times man.
haha nostalgia.... the past is like.. japan to me. except its shittier cos i can actually go japan.
being one year older than waikit, and seeing him liddat.. i cant help but root for him haha.
haiya. waikit updating me about his friends and batchmates. make me laugh. make me miss the life i had in rj. its all gone now though.
haha. i'm sure there's something more i can hold on to in the present and in the future too lah..
Sunday, December 05, 2010
what HAVE ppl been telling you? and no, time cant mend it. you can. stop hoping. so much for trying to get closer to your newfound friends - when smth way lame and not true caused you to quit on me.
come back la. things are fine.. anw i think i didnt want to go home today cos.. i no longer have my happy little bubble of playhouse band practs :( there now isnt any official reason for me to put off mugging and play guitar anymore :( today was playhouse and our batch won best music and dance!!! :D omggg playhouse band!!! :) i said before how i like the playhouse band ppl cos they're all v nice right :) well, from strangers, i've really come to like them so much :) i miss playing tog alr! cant wait for playhouse 2011 hahaha!! :) guess i'll be playing guitar again, its what i always do haha..
think i should finally go and sleep now lol
come back la. things are fine.. anw i think i didnt want to go home today cos.. i no longer have my happy little bubble of playhouse band practs :( there now isnt any official reason for me to put off mugging and play guitar anymore :( today was playhouse and our batch won best music and dance!!! :D omggg playhouse band!!! :) i said before how i like the playhouse band ppl cos they're all v nice right :) well, from strangers, i've really come to like them so much :) i miss playing tog alr! cant wait for playhouse 2011 hahaha!! :) guess i'll be playing guitar again, its what i always do haha..
think i should finally go and sleep now lol
Friday, December 03, 2010
i think i miss bmt because you were there with me
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
there's no stopping me,
i'm burning through the skies;
200 degrees
- that's why they call me mr farenheit,
i'm traveling at the speed of light,
i wanna make a supersonic woman of you!
you are the only exception
but the world keeps spinning round and round
i don't wanna stop at all..
i'm burning through the skies;
200 degrees
- that's why they call me mr farenheit,
i'm traveling at the speed of light,
i wanna make a supersonic woman of you!
you are the only exception
but the world keeps spinning round and round
i don't wanna stop at all..