Monday, October 31, 2005
hi everyone haha been wanting to update but really i couldnt find anything much to talk abt. yes yes i know school's coming to and end (in fact 2 more days dammit) but i think i'll leave the long long farewell post till much later.
nov 16. my musics exam hahaha. fuck la the prev time i passed each category (50%) but failed overall (75%) by two fucking marks. damn fuck rite. teacher says that means the examiners think that i am quite okay, but lack that one small bit. so fail me. gj lor. like as if this time i'm gonna pass sigh. nov signals the start of my tenth plus year learning music like waturf. damn gay la i'm sick and tired of all this i'm slugging on just for the sake of completing it. my mother tell me its a waste to quit like that but i tell her its even more a waste to continue on and waste all the time and money. she dont listen lor. hahaha sigh. i just wish i could past this one exam.
me and shaun are gonna do smp next year. hahaha but i feel damn pwned cos his like a math and science hardcore genius and i m like wtf is going on so i really dunno i better buck up lol.
i think the class photo for us this year was good haha no one looks screwed up at all man (other than me). if anyone can scan in can send to me? i want a soft copy of it haha.
i'm tired i never woke up so early on a holiday before. usually i sleep 13 hours on a holiday. like 1am to 2 pm. or something. or if i am doing work i'll sleep less. like 5 am to 2 pm or something hahahaha.
will likes metal! omg who would have imagined that. haha i introed sonata arctica to him that day lol and he was like its damn nice. but they play damn fast! yes haha black sheep is siaozors la their keyboards and guitar is damn damn fast they are damn pro haha go down load and listen (: hahaha but i cant believe will likes metal. thats damn cool.
oh yah went out ytd wif tom will and tom's bro keith to get shoes and ahem something for the teachers! cant say much lest they know. anyway we went everywhere. kinokuniya where i got the god father (lol?), will got his spiritually enlightening books and tom got his mom's present and keith got some mystery thriller book called brimstone or something.
will is damn pro la his a people's people he will be future rotaryassociation/club/society chairman. hahaha according to him thats the world organization equivalent of interact club lol. his too pro and too spiritually advanced alr la hahaha.
oh well shall talk more abt all this in that long logn farewell post la hahaha. gotta go out seeya (:
nov 16. my musics exam hahaha. fuck la the prev time i passed each category (50%) but failed overall (75%) by two fucking marks. damn fuck rite. teacher says that means the examiners think that i am quite okay, but lack that one small bit. so fail me. gj lor. like as if this time i'm gonna pass sigh. nov signals the start of my tenth plus year learning music like waturf. damn gay la i'm sick and tired of all this i'm slugging on just for the sake of completing it. my mother tell me its a waste to quit like that but i tell her its even more a waste to continue on and waste all the time and money. she dont listen lor. hahaha sigh. i just wish i could past this one exam.
me and shaun are gonna do smp next year. hahaha but i feel damn pwned cos his like a math and science hardcore genius and i m like wtf is going on so i really dunno i better buck up lol.
i think the class photo for us this year was good haha no one looks screwed up at all man (other than me). if anyone can scan in can send to me? i want a soft copy of it haha.
i'm tired i never woke up so early on a holiday before. usually i sleep 13 hours on a holiday. like 1am to 2 pm. or something. or if i am doing work i'll sleep less. like 5 am to 2 pm or something hahahaha.
will likes metal! omg who would have imagined that. haha i introed sonata arctica to him that day lol and he was like its damn nice. but they play damn fast! yes haha black sheep is siaozors la their keyboards and guitar is damn damn fast they are damn pro haha go down load and listen (: hahaha but i cant believe will likes metal. thats damn cool.
oh yah went out ytd wif tom will and tom's bro keith to get shoes and ahem something for the teachers! cant say much lest they know. anyway we went everywhere. kinokuniya where i got the god father (lol?), will got his spiritually enlightening books and tom got his mom's present and keith got some mystery thriller book called brimstone or something.
will is damn pro la his a people's people he will be future rotaryassociation/club/society chairman. hahaha according to him thats the world organization equivalent of interact club lol. his too pro and too spiritually advanced alr la hahaha.
oh well shall talk more abt all this in that long logn farewell post la hahaha. gotta go out seeya (:
Saturday, October 22, 2005
when i saw seetow sprawled on the astro facing the sky, face twisted in anguish, wearing a child-like singlet, crying but no tears flowing. my intention was to help him to sit up because i knew that when a person is exhausted and he immediately lies down he might get a heart attack.
i never got to do that.
my vision started blurring and before i knew it tears started to fall as well.
today was interclass soccer. it was supposed to be our big day. having being knocked out during last year's short knock out round interclass, i can say we have waited for almost two years for today. today was supposed to be our day.
we started the first two matches as people who were dead set on winning that match. we were individuals who wanted to win so that we could proceed. we were INDIVIDUALS.
apparently we lost the first two matches by one goal margin.
when we lost to 2H. which was our second match, that was what was happening. seetow crying making me cry too. i couldnt help it. we just blew our chances at somethign we have waited 2 years for. but its not just that. this was the second time i saw seetow cry. the first time, not surprising, was during sec 1 interclass when we lost and seetow was keeper. seetow is brilliant la haha he is damn enthu abt soccer and loves it haha. sigh and seeing him cry for the second time abt us losing. i couldnt help it.
more importantly, i saw the anguish of losing what we could have gotten. the despair of not getting what we lived for for the two years. the disappointment at our defeat. i saw all that from the tears falling from seetow's twisted and wet face. it was that that got me crying too.
but something i had to commend on was our spirit. arms around each other i was telling seetow how 2k was playing wif only 5 ppl. their class knew that they would not win their group, and because their matches were late, they all left early. only 6 ppl from the entire class stayed back, of which one guy was injured. they played on wif 5 ppl. i was telling seetow that.
likewise everyone in our class must have known that with a group like this we could never have gotten thru. yet everyone kept morale high by having the high level of confidence there, frequently saying we of course will beat the other classes and win interclass. we definitely knew we couldnt make it. yet we believed we could. to have hope is one thing. to have the confidence to achieve that hope is another. we definitely were great in having that confidence.
i think the 2f match, our last match, was the one where we really played as 2L'05. results didnt matter that time round and we just let everyone who wanted to play have a chance to play. results no longer mattered as we knew we were not thru, and basically every fucking person played their hearts out. first half we let everyone who didnt get a chance to play in the first two matches play.
yanzhi was brilliant as keeper. he was on form like shit and from the before match warm up i could see his reflexes were damn good. carvin zhihao shaun choonhiang readon qianwei all got to play as well. as usual choon and shaun were sliding like siao and i must say the sliding was very good. not injurous (thus no booking) yet could get the ball away.
yanzhi came forward on a one on one situation and he got injured. that was brave of him as he was taking a risk. he did successfully keep the ball form the goal. japheth was subbed on and i bet seeing the crazy pace of the game he was inspired as well.
second half came when everyone switched other than a few. everyone else who wanted to play went in, even daniel wanted to play. just fucking look at our class spirit omg. sigh.
me seetow samuel tom came on, and i cant really rmr who else but a lot more ppl were subbed on la. everyone got their chance to play for their most beloved and of course the best class in the world.
and when seetow chested the ball down to me, and i passed to samuel who put it in the back of the net. when we were fucking one nil up. that was when it all happened. everyone lunged and crowded at samuel. i couldnt see clearly as i was blinded with tears again. that was a moment of brilliance. when we actualyl scored the first goal of our entire day. it was really magical. true to what seetow said we 'showed that what we were'. every one was celebrating and some like tim and me were alr shedding tears of joy. i was so happy we did it as a class again.
not to mention again of course our wonderful class spirit. like during the first half, we were cheering on our less-played players by jumping and clapping and squealing/screaming like we always do in class, as well as chanting the aybabtu thingn lol. we always highpitch scream/squeal after class for no reason haha but now we were doing it wif reason. cmon which other fucking class does that. we must have looked like mad ppl, a line of ppl just by the sidelines jumping up and down screaming like girls. that funny noises we make in class are another symbol of our class and here it was displayed as our class spirit. realyl tell me which other class does that. sigh i'm relaly fucking proud to be in this class man.
i remember that during the match, i heard the commentator say this phrase 'and this is 2L'05'. i was like ur damn right la haha. i shouted a thankyou back. it was damn coincidental for that to happen but it trully was wat we were at that point in time. we trully were one 2L.
i also remember that right before that very match someone (i cant rmr who i think it was shaun or choonhiang or something) asked me if we still had any more matches. when i said yes one last one, that person asked me this very question 'any chance of going away wif dignity?' and i rmr telling him yes. and it had come thru during that very last match.
after the match we walked back to class. the briiliant 2L lineup. no make that the brilliant class of 2L walked back to class in honour. that corridor under the podium really reminds me of the corridor the the dressing room. we didnt get thru but we were all so happy. the best was when we went into class. every fucking body started crying. tom readon and will (or was it japheth? i dint see properly cos apparently my vision was blurred again) were locked in a hug and started crying like mad as well. it is 2 fucking weeks to the end of school how can we not be sad?
even timothy was crying i saw his eyes and nose read and i was asking him was it cos we lost or cos he was feeling like us and he dint reply. i knew the answer alr. timothy the bishan gay who almost never appears sad (pissed or happy yes, but never sad). he cried.
gabriel ng also cried when we lost the 2H match. i bet he was blaming himself when it was not his fault. he always does such things blame himself when its not his fucking fault. sigh. he cried too.
there was yanzhi i think he cried too haha cos he got his dream cleansheet. he is damn lucky he got what he really wanted today. dream cleansheet for the best class for interclass. i rmr i was talking to yanzhi yesterday abt today and how he could improve himself more. i saw wdv had been happening today and so far so good and i hope this is not just momentary but for life for yanzhi was born to be nice.
daniel was there too i dunno if he cried or not but he was staring at space for a while wonder if he was mugging or reminiscing hmm. there was also qianwei who wanted to cry but just couldnt. he wasnt in class wif us but rather outside watching the 2m-2h match.
of course there was also tom, will, japheth and readon who were all at the teachers table huddling and crying. looking at them cry i couldnt help it.
i mean like cmon even zeming and carvin cried lor. zeming who is never ever sad or even pissed and is always happy go lucky and siao siao in class one. even he was crying. carvin who is so quiet in class and whom is also always never sad cried as well. i really didny expect the two of them to cry as well. i started crying like shit also hahaha cos sigh like we are gonna fucking split alr and we're never gonna do such a thing again. what made it worse was we starting doing our trade mark weird noises and i started thinking like oh my fuck we're never ever gonan do this in class together again. all the fun all the weird noises all the all your base. sigh.
2L really rocks and i'm so fucking proud to be in this wonderful and great class. i will really miss you all liek fuck next year man.
sigh words really just cant express the brilliance of our class as a class wif all the spirit and bonding within. words really just cant do justice to all that. only the tears we shed today could have expressed just how much we love each other as a class, how much we have bonded and changed in two years and how great our fucking class spirit is.
its really fucking sad this year is coming to and end alr and next year we will be split. its really fuckign sad.
but at least we can all leave this class and be fucking proud that we came from this wonderful and brilliant class.
the 2L on the pitch for the last match today. that was truly 2L'05.
i never got to do that.
my vision started blurring and before i knew it tears started to fall as well.
today was interclass soccer. it was supposed to be our big day. having being knocked out during last year's short knock out round interclass, i can say we have waited for almost two years for today. today was supposed to be our day.
we started the first two matches as people who were dead set on winning that match. we were individuals who wanted to win so that we could proceed. we were INDIVIDUALS.
apparently we lost the first two matches by one goal margin.
when we lost to 2H. which was our second match, that was what was happening. seetow crying making me cry too. i couldnt help it. we just blew our chances at somethign we have waited 2 years for. but its not just that. this was the second time i saw seetow cry. the first time, not surprising, was during sec 1 interclass when we lost and seetow was keeper. seetow is brilliant la haha he is damn enthu abt soccer and loves it haha. sigh and seeing him cry for the second time abt us losing. i couldnt help it.
more importantly, i saw the anguish of losing what we could have gotten. the despair of not getting what we lived for for the two years. the disappointment at our defeat. i saw all that from the tears falling from seetow's twisted and wet face. it was that that got me crying too.
but something i had to commend on was our spirit. arms around each other i was telling seetow how 2k was playing wif only 5 ppl. their class knew that they would not win their group, and because their matches were late, they all left early. only 6 ppl from the entire class stayed back, of which one guy was injured. they played on wif 5 ppl. i was telling seetow that.
likewise everyone in our class must have known that with a group like this we could never have gotten thru. yet everyone kept morale high by having the high level of confidence there, frequently saying we of course will beat the other classes and win interclass. we definitely knew we couldnt make it. yet we believed we could. to have hope is one thing. to have the confidence to achieve that hope is another. we definitely were great in having that confidence.
i think the 2f match, our last match, was the one where we really played as 2L'05. results didnt matter that time round and we just let everyone who wanted to play have a chance to play. results no longer mattered as we knew we were not thru, and basically every fucking person played their hearts out. first half we let everyone who didnt get a chance to play in the first two matches play.
yanzhi was brilliant as keeper. he was on form like shit and from the before match warm up i could see his reflexes were damn good. carvin zhihao shaun choonhiang readon qianwei all got to play as well. as usual choon and shaun were sliding like siao and i must say the sliding was very good. not injurous (thus no booking) yet could get the ball away.
yanzhi came forward on a one on one situation and he got injured. that was brave of him as he was taking a risk. he did successfully keep the ball form the goal. japheth was subbed on and i bet seeing the crazy pace of the game he was inspired as well.
second half came when everyone switched other than a few. everyone else who wanted to play went in, even daniel wanted to play. just fucking look at our class spirit omg. sigh.
me seetow samuel tom came on, and i cant really rmr who else but a lot more ppl were subbed on la. everyone got their chance to play for their most beloved and of course the best class in the world.
and when seetow chested the ball down to me, and i passed to samuel who put it in the back of the net. when we were fucking one nil up. that was when it all happened. everyone lunged and crowded at samuel. i couldnt see clearly as i was blinded with tears again. that was a moment of brilliance. when we actualyl scored the first goal of our entire day. it was really magical. true to what seetow said we 'showed that what we were'. every one was celebrating and some like tim and me were alr shedding tears of joy. i was so happy we did it as a class again.
not to mention again of course our wonderful class spirit. like during the first half, we were cheering on our less-played players by jumping and clapping and squealing/screaming like we always do in class, as well as chanting the aybabtu thingn lol. we always highpitch scream/squeal after class for no reason haha but now we were doing it wif reason. cmon which other fucking class does that. we must have looked like mad ppl, a line of ppl just by the sidelines jumping up and down screaming like girls. that funny noises we make in class are another symbol of our class and here it was displayed as our class spirit. realyl tell me which other class does that. sigh i'm relaly fucking proud to be in this class man.
i remember that during the match, i heard the commentator say this phrase 'and this is 2L'05'. i was like ur damn right la haha. i shouted a thankyou back. it was damn coincidental for that to happen but it trully was wat we were at that point in time. we trully were one 2L.
i also remember that right before that very match someone (i cant rmr who i think it was shaun or choonhiang or something) asked me if we still had any more matches. when i said yes one last one, that person asked me this very question 'any chance of going away wif dignity?' and i rmr telling him yes. and it had come thru during that very last match.
after the match we walked back to class. the briiliant 2L lineup. no make that the brilliant class of 2L walked back to class in honour. that corridor under the podium really reminds me of the corridor the the dressing room. we didnt get thru but we were all so happy. the best was when we went into class. every fucking body started crying. tom readon and will (or was it japheth? i dint see properly cos apparently my vision was blurred again) were locked in a hug and started crying like mad as well. it is 2 fucking weeks to the end of school how can we not be sad?
even timothy was crying i saw his eyes and nose read and i was asking him was it cos we lost or cos he was feeling like us and he dint reply. i knew the answer alr. timothy the bishan gay who almost never appears sad (pissed or happy yes, but never sad). he cried.
gabriel ng also cried when we lost the 2H match. i bet he was blaming himself when it was not his fault. he always does such things blame himself when its not his fucking fault. sigh. he cried too.
there was yanzhi i think he cried too haha cos he got his dream cleansheet. he is damn lucky he got what he really wanted today. dream cleansheet for the best class for interclass. i rmr i was talking to yanzhi yesterday abt today and how he could improve himself more. i saw wdv had been happening today and so far so good and i hope this is not just momentary but for life for yanzhi was born to be nice.
daniel was there too i dunno if he cried or not but he was staring at space for a while wonder if he was mugging or reminiscing hmm. there was also qianwei who wanted to cry but just couldnt. he wasnt in class wif us but rather outside watching the 2m-2h match.
of course there was also tom, will, japheth and readon who were all at the teachers table huddling and crying. looking at them cry i couldnt help it.
i mean like cmon even zeming and carvin cried lor. zeming who is never ever sad or even pissed and is always happy go lucky and siao siao in class one. even he was crying. carvin who is so quiet in class and whom is also always never sad cried as well. i really didny expect the two of them to cry as well. i started crying like shit also hahaha cos sigh like we are gonna fucking split alr and we're never gonna do such a thing again. what made it worse was we starting doing our trade mark weird noises and i started thinking like oh my fuck we're never ever gonan do this in class together again. all the fun all the weird noises all the all your base. sigh.
2L really rocks and i'm so fucking proud to be in this wonderful and great class. i will really miss you all liek fuck next year man.
sigh words really just cant express the brilliance of our class as a class wif all the spirit and bonding within. words really just cant do justice to all that. only the tears we shed today could have expressed just how much we love each other as a class, how much we have bonded and changed in two years and how great our fucking class spirit is.
its really fucking sad this year is coming to and end alr and next year we will be split. its really fuckign sad.
but at least we can all leave this class and be fucking proud that we came from this wonderful and brilliant class.
the 2L on the pitch for the last match today. that was truly 2L'05.
Monday, October 17, 2005
oh my fuck.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
just a few months back
i swore five words to you
i didnt plan to break that promise
i still dont.
i still dunno wat happened
and i still dunno why stuff had went this way
after that day i kept thinking that
life would be better without me in it.
perhaps. but if so how could it all have happened before?
i keep thinking it might not work out if i gave it another try. i keep thinking that. because thats what it seems to be.
but it had. it had.
so i'm gonna give it one more shot. just one more fucking shot. perhaps its gonna take damn long. or things that are too direct to ignore are gonna make it short. but i dun care. this friday night. friday 21st october. i'm giving it one more shot. just one more shot. just one more.
for all the words i didnt say. for all the things i didnt do. that night i'm gonna find a way.
i swore five words to you
i didnt plan to break that promise
i still dont.
i still dunno wat happened
and i still dunno why stuff had went this way
after that day i kept thinking that
life would be better without me in it.
perhaps. but if so how could it all have happened before?
i keep thinking it might not work out if i gave it another try. i keep thinking that. because thats what it seems to be.
but it had. it had.
so i'm gonna give it one more shot. just one more fucking shot. perhaps its gonna take damn long. or things that are too direct to ignore are gonna make it short. but i dun care. this friday night. friday 21st october. i'm giving it one more shot. just one more shot. just one more.
for all the words i didnt say. for all the things i didnt do. that night i'm gonna find a way.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
its been so fucking long.
since i blogged. that is.
so much to fucking say. no fucking time to say. dunno where the fuck to start.
fucking tired. been sleeping at crazy 3-4 am for work, fucking exhausted and i just want to fucking sleep.
nonono this entry not fucking vulgar at all.
i'm seriously at a loss of where the fuck to start hmm.
maybe i wont start yay.
but you guys know. haha.
the usual. and more.
been listening to songs like imagine - john lennon, hotel california - the eagles, desperado - the eagles, let it be - the beatles and otehr random very fuckign old songs. think they our right pwn the songs nowadays. so much more melodious and meaningful than current songs. theres just so much more fucking meaning in those songs you know.
esp imagine - john lennon. the whole songs abt how mankind shud be behavin.
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
john lennon, who has long left us. but i guess in this song he left us that hope that us, man, can one day be like this. live as one brotherhood. love as one brotherhood. he says ppl think he's a dreamer. but he's not the only one. and i agree. its his hope someday all of us will think like him. and that will be the one day the world can finally live as one.
all the bombings all the killings all the murders all the insults all the anger. we are but one race of people. why.
we were meant to live and love one another together.
why cant we just love everyone like we were made to be?
and why cant we live for today? all this work load on us. all this things we have to do. all the burden we fuckign have. they are preventing us from living for today. us. cmon we're children for fuck's sake. cant the society even give us children a break? with all the work and tasks that are put on us to be done; with all the exams and tests and assignments and watevershit we always have to prepare for. how the fuck do we fuckign enjoy wat we have in this very fuckign moment.
imagine if all the people lived for today.
and wats wif all this shit. oh shit this is the part where i cant say no more or it'll be too fucking obvious. its not like i'm angry or anything. i'm fucking dissapointed and heartbroken that from what it all was, it would end this fucking way. i'm fucking dissapointed.
oh well. shall continue on paper since i cant talk anymore here.
sorry for this entry. i'm feeling chao fucked. its not just tired/oneday/wdvshit. its been for quite a bit of fucking time. and i'm sad to say i cant even say every fuckign thign here all because of this stupid society. sorry for all who dint get this entry.. but if u couldn't even catch the front part abt john lennon. good luck to you.
"..even the dearest that i love the best
are strange, nay, rather, stranger than the rest"
since i blogged. that is.
so much to fucking say. no fucking time to say. dunno where the fuck to start.
fucking tired. been sleeping at crazy 3-4 am for work, fucking exhausted and i just want to fucking sleep.
nonono this entry not fucking vulgar at all.
i'm seriously at a loss of where the fuck to start hmm.
maybe i wont start yay.
but you guys know. haha.
the usual. and more.
been listening to songs like imagine - john lennon, hotel california - the eagles, desperado - the eagles, let it be - the beatles and otehr random very fuckign old songs. think they our right pwn the songs nowadays. so much more melodious and meaningful than current songs. theres just so much more fucking meaning in those songs you know.
esp imagine - john lennon. the whole songs abt how mankind shud be behavin.
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
john lennon, who has long left us. but i guess in this song he left us that hope that us, man, can one day be like this. live as one brotherhood. love as one brotherhood. he says ppl think he's a dreamer. but he's not the only one. and i agree. its his hope someday all of us will think like him. and that will be the one day the world can finally live as one.
all the bombings all the killings all the murders all the insults all the anger. we are but one race of people. why.
we were meant to live and love one another together.
why cant we just love everyone like we were made to be?
and why cant we live for today? all this work load on us. all this things we have to do. all the burden we fuckign have. they are preventing us from living for today. us. cmon we're children for fuck's sake. cant the society even give us children a break? with all the work and tasks that are put on us to be done; with all the exams and tests and assignments and watevershit we always have to prepare for. how the fuck do we fuckign enjoy wat we have in this very fuckign moment.
imagine if all the people lived for today.
and wats wif all this shit. oh shit this is the part where i cant say no more or it'll be too fucking obvious. its not like i'm angry or anything. i'm fucking dissapointed and heartbroken that from what it all was, it would end this fucking way. i'm fucking dissapointed.
oh well. shall continue on paper since i cant talk anymore here.
sorry for this entry. i'm feeling chao fucked. its not just tired/oneday/wdvshit. its been for quite a bit of fucking time. and i'm sad to say i cant even say every fuckign thign here all because of this stupid society. sorry for all who dint get this entry.. but if u couldn't even catch the front part abt john lennon. good luck to you.
"..even the dearest that i love the best
are strange, nay, rather, stranger than the rest"