Friday, July 29, 2011
haiz tired should sleep
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
tired should just go sleep
tired stay up also no use
tired will think depressing thoughts
good day also become bad day
optimistic also become pessimistic
recover also feel like you're falling sick
useless
you need to find an alternative solution
which may just be to close your eyes and sleep.
magical cure tmr for the paranoid you
what you hold in ur hands, and what you see in front of you
you should live in its happiness
but what if its not there anymore tmr right?
sleep la. like you'll know when it'll be gone anw.
live in its happiness until it disappears.
tired stay up also no use
tired will think depressing thoughts
good day also become bad day
optimistic also become pessimistic
recover also feel like you're falling sick
useless
you need to find an alternative solution
which may just be to close your eyes and sleep.
magical cure tmr for the paranoid you
what you hold in ur hands, and what you see in front of you
you should live in its happiness
but what if its not there anymore tmr right?
sleep la. like you'll know when it'll be gone anw.
live in its happiness until it disappears.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
so i'm doing smth to help myself sleep tonight
but apparently i'm not yet asleep
i have nth to gfdsertyuio about i think. other than the eventual unlikeliness. so tmr i push on? idk. i want great results. im' crazy.
but apparently i'm not yet asleep
i have nth to gfdsertyuio about i think. other than the eventual unlikeliness. so tmr i push on? idk. i want great results. im' crazy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
i dont get why my brain needs to have every step unfolding in my life to be as sleek and smooth as things that only happen in movies, and i dont get why i, in recent days, just tend to keep fucking that up. so much such that i just give up on myself. which is sad cos it means i give up trying to lead the life i want to lead.
i need to make sense of smth, NOW. i'm impatient, but i feel like every second if i dont, its as if i run the risk of never. i dont even know why i'm blogging this. as if if i do any of my imaginary readers can provide me with a solution liddat.
i dont dare to ask for good things in life, cos i dont feel like i deserve it. so sad.
i need to make sense of smth, NOW. i'm impatient, but i feel like every second if i dont, its as if i run the risk of never. i dont even know why i'm blogging this. as if if i do any of my imaginary readers can provide me with a solution liddat.
i dont dare to ask for good things in life, cos i dont feel like i deserve it. so sad.
ya, what am i thinking..
hiok.. -.-
i know what's the feeling i'll have when i'm about to die - i'll be itching all over..
hiok.. -.-
i know what's the feeling i'll have when i'm about to die - i'll be itching all over..
Sunday, July 17, 2011
actly i think it is time to sleep
Friday, July 15, 2011
like a ring without a hole, or a square ball..
i miss when i was always last to bathe in the athens apartment. i dont know why. i think i just miss every bit of eurotrip :/
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
today had a very heartwarming moment for me, the image of a very true and innocent smile :)
patient was a 60plus year old lady, CVA patient, admitted in a&e with c/o vomiting since morning and constipation x 11 days. due to the stroke she had previously, she had a hemispherectomy, and as such although is conscious and oriented, is non-communicative. with half her brain removed, she was paralyzed on her entire left side, and the remaining right side of her body was very weak in strength. all she could repeat was her name, and occasionally, VERY rarely, she answers a question that we repeat numerous times.
son appeared so loving, when he came to help us try to communicate with his mother. patted and sayanged her face as he asked if she was feeling anymore pain, and if she was feeling better, although to not much response. he asked questions on our behalf as if he was talking to her normally, although he only got a response once. when he left, he turned to look at his mum and she gave a small laugh, and he came immediately back to pat her face, laughingly saying ok you take care of yourself now k i'll be outside ok as if he expects her to understand.
as i read what my dr types in his notes, i catch her movement out of the corner of my eye. with her only mobile arm she struggles for something. i see that she wants to cover herself with the blanket. i presume she feels cold. so i cover her up with the blanket, and took note to tuck the lower end snugly under her feet as i know how doing so makes you feel more wrapped up and covered and snug and warm. once i tucked her in and rubbed her legs to make them warm a bit, she gave me this child-like innocent happy smile, and i couldnt help but smile back :) i swear, that was the most genuine and innocent smile i've ever seen from an adult, perhaps even in children who know nothing. i think it was a smile of thank you, a smile just letting me know she's happy :) can you imagine, this woman was probably once a strong mother to that grown man, and now, that man repays his "debt" with love. she may not be of a full mental capacity, but perhaps it is the lacking in this aspect that lets her lack whatever is horrible in the human nature too. her smile expressed her simple contentment to me, and more so than remind me why i want to defend the weak, simply just made my day with the beauty of that little curved line and that glow in the eyes. :)
patient was a 60plus year old lady, CVA patient, admitted in a&e with c/o vomiting since morning and constipation x 11 days. due to the stroke she had previously, she had a hemispherectomy, and as such although is conscious and oriented, is non-communicative. with half her brain removed, she was paralyzed on her entire left side, and the remaining right side of her body was very weak in strength. all she could repeat was her name, and occasionally, VERY rarely, she answers a question that we repeat numerous times.
son appeared so loving, when he came to help us try to communicate with his mother. patted and sayanged her face as he asked if she was feeling anymore pain, and if she was feeling better, although to not much response. he asked questions on our behalf as if he was talking to her normally, although he only got a response once. when he left, he turned to look at his mum and she gave a small laugh, and he came immediately back to pat her face, laughingly saying ok you take care of yourself now k i'll be outside ok as if he expects her to understand.
as i read what my dr types in his notes, i catch her movement out of the corner of my eye. with her only mobile arm she struggles for something. i see that she wants to cover herself with the blanket. i presume she feels cold. so i cover her up with the blanket, and took note to tuck the lower end snugly under her feet as i know how doing so makes you feel more wrapped up and covered and snug and warm. once i tucked her in and rubbed her legs to make them warm a bit, she gave me this child-like innocent happy smile, and i couldnt help but smile back :) i swear, that was the most genuine and innocent smile i've ever seen from an adult, perhaps even in children who know nothing. i think it was a smile of thank you, a smile just letting me know she's happy :) can you imagine, this woman was probably once a strong mother to that grown man, and now, that man repays his "debt" with love. she may not be of a full mental capacity, but perhaps it is the lacking in this aspect that lets her lack whatever is horrible in the human nature too. her smile expressed her simple contentment to me, and more so than remind me why i want to defend the weak, simply just made my day with the beauty of that little curved line and that glow in the eyes. :)
there was parsley in the onions.
i loved the onions but i hated the parsley. i ate the onions on my plate without separating the parsley as it was way too tedious to do so, and then that was my threshold for parsley. i wouldn't eat any more of the mix even though i liked the onions.
you brought your plate forward to offer me your onions, but i said "nah. i like the onion but there's too much of that thing and its difficult to take out i don't want", and so you retracted your plate.
5 minutes later you brought up your plate and scooped all of the onions and none of the parsley into my plate. why'd you do that..
when you picked out the parsley from the onions and gave them to me. :)
i loved the onions but i hated the parsley. i ate the onions on my plate without separating the parsley as it was way too tedious to do so, and then that was my threshold for parsley. i wouldn't eat any more of the mix even though i liked the onions.
you brought your plate forward to offer me your onions, but i said "nah. i like the onion but there's too much of that thing and its difficult to take out i don't want", and so you retracted your plate.
5 minutes later you brought up your plate and scooped all of the onions and none of the parsley into my plate. why'd you do that..
when you picked out the parsley from the onions and gave them to me. :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
even when i'm reading a fiction book i'm thinking about you
Monday, July 11, 2011
I remember the times we spent together, all those drives
We had a million questions, all about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
Tonight
I remember the days we spent together were not enough
And it used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat and told me about your jesus
And how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad sometimes, not having you here
I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
Sunday, July 10, 2011
as mysterious as US applications..
i just have to know how to do this
Saturday, July 09, 2011
i have no reason to wake up today...
if i keep asking for 2 minutes, eventually i will have a whole day, or a whole 24 days. haha. i keep asking for more time, i keep asking for what i have in front of me not to pass too fast. because i don't know when, every minute i feel threatened that things will be gone in a puff of smoke, like it has now (paranoid, paranoid). i'm the orpheus that keeps looking back because, i don't know when you'll no longer be right behind me.
i've always been a hopelessly hopeful idiot that is fated with lost causes. some don't really matter, but some just matter so much my world will be turned upside down.
wait it already has. you turned it upside down :)
if i keep asking for 2 minutes, eventually i will have a whole day, or a whole 24 days. haha. i keep asking for more time, i keep asking for what i have in front of me not to pass too fast. because i don't know when, every minute i feel threatened that things will be gone in a puff of smoke, like it has now (paranoid, paranoid). i'm the orpheus that keeps looking back because, i don't know when you'll no longer be right behind me.
i've always been a hopelessly hopeful idiot that is fated with lost causes. some don't really matter, but some just matter so much my world will be turned upside down.
wait it already has. you turned it upside down :)
i miss the night in eurotrip, in our rome apartment, when after watching the movie "eurotrip" while waiting for the laundry to be done, we brushed teeth and washed face, then i said good night.
Monday, July 04, 2011
i'm back from eurotrip.. :)
There’s a handwritten note pressed in the door of her screened in porch,
And I am sailing away, recalling that day, miles from shore.
She was still wearing white and Robin's egg blue,
Her grandmother’s dress.
But I left home early this year. How I wound up here,
Is anyone’s guess..
When the new sights grow old and I start to feel cold,
I’ll sail home again.
Goodbye Brielle,
Only whispers can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well,
I’ll see you around
Our dear ocean town.
The frozen days we set ablaze,
Sent me drifting away.
Like a butterfly, you floated by,
And now you're alone, I wish I knew when
I’ll be back again.
So until then I wish you well,
My dear Brielle.
Skipping over the sand,
And cobblestone paths that wind through the trees.
Breathing the sweet ocean air makes the shy boy aware,
That he could be free..
When the new sights grow old and I start to feel cold,
I’ll sail home again.
Goodbye Brielle,
Only whispers can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well,
I’ll see you around
Our dear ocean town.
The frozen days we set ablaze,
Sent me drifting away.
Like a butterfly, you floated by,
And now you're alone, I wish I knew when
I’ll be back again.
So until then I wish you well,
So until then I wish you well,
I love you my darling farewell,
My dear Brielle.
eurotrip was so awesome!! :) although towards the end of the trip sometimes i just lay in bed at night dreading the end.. i'm definitely "glad that it happened", and not "sad that its over" hahaha.
There’s a handwritten note pressed in the door of her screened in porch,
And I am sailing away, recalling that day, miles from shore.
She was still wearing white and Robin's egg blue,
Her grandmother’s dress.
But I left home early this year. How I wound up here,
Is anyone’s guess..
When the new sights grow old and I start to feel cold,
I’ll sail home again.
Goodbye Brielle,
Only whispers can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well,
I’ll see you around
Our dear ocean town.
The frozen days we set ablaze,
Sent me drifting away.
Like a butterfly, you floated by,
And now you're alone, I wish I knew when
I’ll be back again.
So until then I wish you well,
My dear Brielle.
Skipping over the sand,
And cobblestone paths that wind through the trees.
Breathing the sweet ocean air makes the shy boy aware,
That he could be free..
When the new sights grow old and I start to feel cold,
I’ll sail home again.
Goodbye Brielle,
Only whispers can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well,
I’ll see you around
Our dear ocean town.
The frozen days we set ablaze,
Sent me drifting away.
Like a butterfly, you floated by,
And now you're alone, I wish I knew when
I’ll be back again.
So until then I wish you well,
So until then I wish you well,
I love you my darling farewell,
My dear Brielle.
eurotrip was so awesome!! :) although towards the end of the trip sometimes i just lay in bed at night dreading the end.. i'm definitely "glad that it happened", and not "sad that its over" hahaha.