beautiful, isnt it
Friday, August 31, 2012
people who make me smile and people who make my heart ache haha

life's so sad todayyyy. i just want to curl up and sleep and cry :( jk haha. can't wait :(
at 6:13 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2012
bakeries.. the kind in serangoon

maybe i'm in the wrong profession.. maybe i just want to be a househusband hahaha. i don't even want money, or prestige. i just want to help people, to save the world, and i've focused so much on that, i didn't even think about what i really want for myself. and now, i don't even know if i will get anything for myself.

i see even more semblance of my dad as i see the brief reflection of myself in the glass. and guess what, my dad is no doctor haha..
at 7:43 PM
i'm so sad, cos today is such a nice day, nice heartland sounds, nice heartland smells, nice heartland lights and scenes and sights.. i love it man :)

你还是要幸福
你千万不要再招惹别人哭..
at 7:25 PM
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
graham greene's theory of compensation: wherever a defect exists we must look for a compensating perfection to account for how the defect survives.

unless spontaneous mutation, there must have been something, just something, that allowed it to be selected for.
at 11:58 PM
:( ultimately, there are some things about me that i can change

and some things that i cannot.
at 6:11 PM
Monday, August 20, 2012


looking at steamed fish, a reprise for the wait. while i keep going.
at 8:10 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2012
i fell sick for the first time in years today. i've never felt so low in my life. i have an impending sense of doom (but don't worry, i just washed my hands, so it's not rabies). i feel like when i go to sleep, i will wake later in the middle of the night with high fever and moan cos of the discomfort. was thinking, maybe it's because whatever shit i've had to go through previously, however much i push myself and don't take care of myself, i've always had my health. i'm supposed to be made of steel but no, i'm just flesh and blood that can decompose. superman, you need to wait this out. wait the 7 weeks out. good luck, hope for a lucky strike as it sludges, viscidly, clogs up your airway, into the night.
at 10:21 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
i'm very glad that i still can, and have always, felt my heart bleed and want to hold and comfort a person if they are crying..

in recent times, i have had times when i felt like crying, but nothing comes out and i don't bother to try. i don't achieve a purge. the next closest thing is vomiting. don't be alarmed, that doesn't happen often either.

i feel good today, i had a relatively good sleep last night, and i woke today, tired but able to handle the entire day very well, up until the ending moments of my time at work. then i had a seat on the train and i slept without waking for the the entire journey, and now i feel good again, with some time to do some reading at night. hope i don't end up wasting too much time!

just a thought i've been holding since a few days back. jonlim once told me about his attitude towards food as a uni student. he'd eat unlimited amounts of his school cafeteria food cos it is healthy (albeit unpalatable), and food is "just fuel for the body". well i guess many a times i just have to run anyway without fuel. no wonder oxford clinical handbook of medicine has an entire page dedicated to telling medical students (and junior doctors) that they need to take care of themselves hahaha.

still as always, expecting a lot out of each day.. but as all my dearest friends tell me, and as jonlim yet again told me (ytd night, when i bumped into him at simei and had supper for a short while), my day will come. my day will come.
at 7:40 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
i need a reset in my life. i want to feel the sun shine like it did before, i want to walk with my back straight, with my head up.. i have too much to study, but no time, no energy, and no will. i'm physically tired, and my mental is too jumbled up i need to catch up. i've got soul but i'm not a soldier.. so stop making me need to be one..
at 5:39 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2012
nothing to do.. high kneel?

high kneel = find food, watch movies, stick, check usual sites..
at 1:05 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2012

at 5:57 PM
Thursday, August 09, 2012


你要得爱 - 戴佩妮


虽然经常梦见你
还是毫无头绪
外面正在下着雨
今天是星期几
but i don't know
你去那里

虽然不曾怀疑你
还是忐忑不定
谁是你的那个唯一
原谅我怀疑自己

我明白
我要的爱
会把我宠坏
像一个小孩
只懂在你怀里坏
你要的爱
不只是依赖
要像个大男孩
风吹又日晒
生活自由自在


my feelings of loss, best encompassed in the melody of this song
at 11:05 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
it is not ripe yet.

panic-manic.
at 7:53 PM
i don't like to not like the way i look, or the way i carry myself off

that happens sometimes when i go out just after i bathed, or when i am tired and loud.

purse one corner of my mouth and keep walking.

what can i do anyway. i thank all my friends, whom i can forget the world with.

thank you for the pain you bring me. it makes me smile. :) now go on and please be happy, it brings me a peace of mind.

我也能拥有最纯粹的孤独

其实你很爱他,是我的惩罚

now i need to expel an abscess, and go take a 1 hour nap..
at 7:03 PM
long gone sunshine days
at 4:41 AM
Sunday, August 05, 2012
i think we all have destinies. my destiny is to defend all the powerless people of this place. your destiny is to go on to do well in life.

i guess what i'm scared of is that i'll have to let go all over again when the time comes. it'll be so tough again and it'll hurt.
at 8:36 PM
today i realised that i am someone who likes to see immediate results. it defines a lot of things i do in life, including what specialty i want to do next time.

many chronic illnesses cannot be cured. you can only enter remission.

but then isn't life just a period of remission anyway?
at 7:30 AM
Saturday, August 04, 2012
balancing my extrovert and my introvert. see how to let myself live. give myself some credit. feel adequate. let myself live, so that those under my ward may live. move along, and find what i see.

had a pleasant journey with a nice cab driver just now.

also, watched 1408 (unknowingly for the second time) ytd. what a scary and mindf movie..

go to bed. wake up..
at 3:39 AM
Thursday, August 02, 2012
fuck you.
at 7:28 PM
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
thanks for not caring. it helps make me more numb to the world.
at 3:49 PM