beautiful, isnt it
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
a boxed in, all my routes and lifelines are cut off, shit i'm going to die, feeling..
at 8:29 PM
not gonna jump to an angsty conclusion too fast.. but, i really dont know what you're up to..
at 6:20 PM
lol.. i dont know how to interpret..
at 6:17 PM
if ever god will actually smite the correct things for once
at 12:18 AM
Sunday, August 28, 2011
it makes me sad to think of sad jazzy christmas songs that i typically hear at starbucks during december. because my christmases are always like that. wonder if its any different this year..
at 7:12 PM


was listening to this on my way home.. walking, while coupling this to the weather, slightly yellow, golden, not cold, but not warm, with a slight peaceful wind blowing on a peaceful sunday late afternoon.. i felt slightly at ease. a slightly sad ease, but at ease.. i felt that whatever happens, even if things go wrong.. i'd still be a great doctor next time.. it may hurt from inside, but i will gently press my stethoscope and calmly auscultate the chest. in a yellow, golden, sunday afternoon, i will be being a good doctor, helping my patients..

i was just thinking, maybe what i need is confidence..

i feel like i'm stuck somewhere in the transition state.. moving slowly, so slowly, towards the other. but thats ok. i'm just waiting to take a step forward. how will it go? am i an idiot?
at 4:58 PM
Saturday, August 27, 2011
tired out and depressed

all i want to do is be a hero haha

that is so cruel but we both need to move ahead

i need to move ahead but there has to be some road to walk on..
at 8:41 PM
Friday, August 26, 2011
omg right now my heart cant take it anymore
at 11:29 PM
cos i wish i was him, and his words were mine,

to say to you, til the end of time yea i
at 10:26 PM
i think i put too much to bear on myself. the world, i carry on my shoulders.. but no one sees. not even myself.
at 10:22 PM
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
its amazing how you put me at calm. i will do that. for you.
at 10:35 PM
love without depending
at 10:19 PM
Monday, August 22, 2011
lesson learnt from my dad the other day: "you're not the only factor to play in these situations. you're not the only person involved, and whatever you choose to do, what the other person chooses to do, you can't control." i should stop imagining people to be who they are. i should start being the maverick i'm supposed to be.

i guess that means i can only react. so i should, now, fully. thing is, i seem to expect myself to react so well such that every move i make is a success.. doesn't sound fair, you say.

but what else can i do lol?
at 8:26 PM
Sunday, August 21, 2011
i wonder how do they see time.. to me, a lifetime has passed. heck, a few lifetimes have passed from then. i think having watched black books, i've become a lot like bernard black. and as he said: "you, keep an eye on her. and you, keep an eye on him.. i have a universe to master." well yea i have a universe to master haha.

the other day, friday night, was epic. o.O wow. nothing to remember it with but a coaster arjun slipped in my back pocket.. and many, many fragments of anecdotes hahaha.

you..
at 7:04 PM
Thursday, August 18, 2011
so there actually is no reason to drink at all, other than the scarily likely possibility that i will intrinsically fail. all i gotta do is chiong harder. go madder. make us happier. you yourself said i'm an aromtic. i'm gonna continue walking hard and

screw the trivial. right moment right time. i am letting myself know i can do this. life thing. stop being a pussy.
at 3:15 PM
the hero always peeks
at 11:35 AM
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
is this some sort of a cruel joke, i am so tired
at 10:43 PM
i'm very tired. i'm gonna try and be normal after tonight.
at 10:07 PM
so some survive, and some don't, it doesnt mean those that did are of better quality than those that didnt. i think because people can pretend
at 10:05 PM
it feeeeeels like when lacuna corp tells you you're about to lose that ______ forever
at 8:59 PM
i miss you all, psychogenic encephalitis
at 8:56 PM
let me swim in the sea of memories for a while before i cut and cut and cut
at 8:49 PM
every second i'm on high alert, every second i'm prepared to be mind f-ed, i'm prepared to be torn apart ripped to shreds go through immense trauma eyes popping out heart refusing to beat. how do i live like that? just waiting to be fallen, paranoid
at 8:30 PM
today is a good day. stop being scared.

maybe i'm just not man enough to face whatever.. you need to live up to the name you created for yourself, hiok
at 8:16 PM
i can't function, i just want to rot and decay.

i am sick, i want a cure..
at 7:18 PM
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
i don't, I'M GOING CRAZY
at 7:52 PM
i have no idea how crazy i'm just about to get. i'm feeling all like this, i'm going to go crazy, i might as well just empty the whole it'd be the same but unconscious
at 7:50 PM
stop la. have more faith in yourself.
at 12:41 AM
i'm going to have nightmares tonight
at 12:40 AM
Sunday, August 14, 2011
haha wow, life would've been so different if you had gone to the US. i like the turn of events now :)
at 10:19 PM
haha i wish i dont see him, i wish i dont see any of them,

i realise i just want to leave behind everything and start a new life. it'd be nice enough just to start something from now
at 2:06 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2011
k.. back to being depressed haha sigh. i wish i had more chewing gum to chew.
at 7:35 PM
Thursday, August 11, 2011
HAHAHA you're gonna go crazy dreaming of being a hero hiok, when will it ever happen in real life lol? its time to do some crazy shit and live some life..
at 10:48 PM
of course life gets on fine without me. i didnt make the world a better place..
at 9:37 PM
so einstein once said, everybody is a genius. but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

i should stop trying to climb a tree. i think i'm better at being tragic and sad.. but that is not compatible with life..

i'm very scared.. cos i need to get this right..


sigh i dont think i'm very stable now..
at 8:54 PM
only in movies are there background music playing
at 8:52 PM
the headache i want to vomit hysteria its as good as drinking
at 7:26 PM
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
i miss you too
at 12:19 AM
Monday, August 08, 2011
is a week a long time? i don't know leh i can't tell. i last met up with will a week ago already. i can't decide if a long time or a short time has passed. i seem to have lost all sense of absolute values, and relativity isn't something used often in daily life.

i feel like i've been doing it all wrong, about living life. i don't rly know what else to do leh.
at 2:04 PM
ah. my dad is so nice :)
at 1:10 PM
i realised i'm one of those medicine students at risk for suicide..

if only i was a bit more loony lol


my life has been too smooth sailing for my own good i think. now look at all the little expectations i dont meet. the thing is i'm sure there are more setbacks to come.

i'm not very stable now..

i wish i was just a little tofu in a box [ -_- ], maybe with nothing but the ridges at the side. i wish the world was a bit smaller, and maybe my heart a bit smaller, and then you, maybe a bit smaller too. waiting for a reply, a reaction, maybe a smile, to tell me if i pick myself up again now, the next fall wouldnt be so bad. otherwise i dont rly want to pick myself up, cos i dont know where my daily life will take me now.
at 12:11 PM
Sunday, August 07, 2011
bittersweet tears of confusion i need to swallow and digest and shit out gold, it must
at 2:18 AM
Friday, August 05, 2011
so long as our story keeps being told :)
at 5:52 PM
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
a little more courage and a lot more calm :)
at 2:18 AM
Monday, August 01, 2011
i kinda wish you'd just asked if i were asleep
at 1:52 AM