Friday, May 27, 2011

i need some help,

koh says: (PM 10:33:08)
seriously
koh says: (PM 10:33:11)
hiok
koh says: (PM 10:33:15)
i can see you as the maverick
koh says: (PM 10:33:20)
who saves dam lots of lives
koh says: (PM 10:33:25)
by taking risky cases
koh says: (PM 10:33:32)
but even if he fails
koh says: (PM 10:33:35)
he summons courage
koh says: (PM 10:33:47)
to goes on to the next patient that no doctor is willing to take to try to save him


i cannot believe that waikit's words, said to the current plight of mine, is bringing me to tears..



koh says: (PM 10:32:08)
its
koh says: (PM 10:32:09)
like
koh says: (PM 10:32:16)
you can use water stone
koh says: (PM 10:32:25)
or u can try dam hard to become espeon
koh says: (PM 10:32:30)
the key is how
koh says: (PM 10:32:33)
i dunno lol


i think, honestly, on a deeper level the above is rather meaningful lol - does hiok give up eventually and just use a water stone to be a decent vaporeon? or does he somehow, somehow, emerge exceptional, as an espeon?



koh says: (PM 10:32:53)
but
koh says: (PM 10:32:55)
i do know
koh says: (PM 10:32:58)
i can see you doing that


well waikit says he can see me doing that lol. being exceptional. and i believe him. the funny thing is i'm the only one that can make that come true huh.



feel an intense brain tiredness, the kind where you're tired but u managed to use ur brain intensely and well in a short period of time. cos i just helped angus with his appeal. and i think this is one of the times (and the only time in decently recent times) that i'm feeling the meaning of the words "in helping others, you help yourself."

i NEED to drop this weariness now, and just live.


hiokhong says: (PM 11:24:57)
i think my sadnesses
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:06)
may be tragically beautiful
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:12)
and i may like to observe its beauty
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:18)
but i cannot let it suffocate me
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:30)
i ought to see it as an echo going away
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:37)
so that i can live
hiokhong says: (PM 11:25:40)
and not suffocate

hiokhong says: (PM 11:24:00)
yea i think its really time to fuck care and carry on doing smth i believe in man

so maybe the trick to my fountain of youth.. is to not give a fuck about anything?


and just do my shit..

Thursday, May 26, 2011

i actually dont really like the song, but it had some of the nicest lyrics i've heard today:


"give me the sunshine when I only see rain
the past had a hold on me
it cant be denied
and the changes didn't come easily"

"now I don't mind working hard every day
and I don't pay no mind to what people say
cause after all the pain I've been through
I gave up everything to love only you
see, all my life I've walked with my head bent in shame
but since I found you, with you I've been made"

"now a man gets crazy when his life is all wrong
and the heart gets a little weary when it doesnt belong
and the road gets a little bit rocky but you've got to keep on"

"I've been lonely, I've been cheated, and I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, I've been put down, and told I'm no good
but with you I belong
because you helped me be strong
there's been a change in my life since you came along"

i think mos burger officially phased out my favourite creamer milk /: this is the second mos i've been to that is using this new brand of creamer milk that kinda sucks ): i can't imagine no longer having that small little bit of wonderful taste in my mouth anymore ): wth my milk!!

and i haven't ordered mos plain dog in the longest time haha and i had a craving for it so i bought it today..the wrapper-container is slightly, just very slightly different lol. wow, we're getting old, can u imagine soon, all these little things we knew in our younger years will be phased out soon, and the next generation will know nth of them haha.

there's rather pleasant piano instrumental songs playing in this mos right now haha. raffles city mos lol. i took off my headphones to enjoy this pleasant music haha..

wat the!!! its playing, if i'm not mistaken, some sort of piano instrumental jazz variation on a barrios piece?!?! wth!!! that's so uncommon!! the barrios piece is a classical guitar piece, why'd it be made into a variations on piano!! wow.. very nice haha :)

just sitting here, enjoying the pleasant instrumental piano music haha, and waiting for the world to be ready for me..

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

se rompe pero no se dobla - it breaks but it does not bend.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

i just watched the jap movie "beck" with jonho and waikit. the movie was, satanically telling the 3 of us to do something about our lives. we were left standing outside cine, each having been nudged but didnt know what to do. and standing around doesnt solve our problems..

Friday, May 20, 2011

i saw my reflection in the glass today..


i look like a broken and tired out piece of meat..


i just want to be a better person

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

there is absolute no excitement in the finishing of my exams. maybe i'm tired, but i'm just damn sian and indifferent to the fact that its over. i'm not significantly happier or anything..

Saturday, May 14, 2011

on escapism: "so what if i spend more time in this reality? that doesn't make the other reality is not as real." - jotham

you're right, jotham. i guess it doesnt matter which reality what happens in.. so long as the experience you garner in all, is an epic enough story for your life. ref @ the film 'big fish' too.. (unrelated quote from big fish: "the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.")


on people in this world: "none of you seem to understand. i'm not locked in here with you; you're all locked in here with me." - roschach

they're not ready.


always remember, "obsessed is what the weak call the committed."

i've been waking up with this song playing in my head, even when i don't listen to it much nowadays.. its a super nice song! its very heartwrenching sounding haha.

speaking of heartwrenching, i just watched the latest episode of grey's anatomy, its SUPER depressing. some storylines are quite.. heartwrenching too, like argh sad kind of feeling haha. sooo depressing..


and then speaking of depressing, i like the conclusion me and kevin reached tonight..

k says: (AM 12:24:11)
yes
k says: (AM 12:24:13)
definitely
k says: (AM 12:24:15)
fuck our lives
k says: (AM 12:24:16)
lol


damn sian..

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

cambodia was a personal best, a golden era, a blissful age/time-period, that showed me what life is. again, i look back..


on a slightly unrelated note, in the prev episode of grey's anatomy, derek adopted the african baby girl he was treating haha. i totally wouldn't mind adopting you, turquoise woolen jacket cambodian baby girl with aids :)

i think i really have very high ideals for myself. i srsly can't stand it that i even got some wrong for the paper, and i didn't even study. i was expecting myself to remember/be able to deal with it cos i "once" studied it before, ie. when it was thought. so naturally i got some things wrong, but i can't stand it. i'm so unreasonable to myself, and i have such high expectations for myself haha.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

i wish i had my blood gas results now or smth so that i can tell what's wrong with me,

presenting with extreme discomfort in my epigastric and area behind sternum region since 11pm last night, feel like vomitting. i thought i'd feel better after bed rest but i woke at 5am with the same discomfort, and have been unable to sleep since. had diarrhea once ytd evening, stools were black (melena?), complaints of burping, and oh currently feel like going to the toilet again. (edit: yea i just diarrhea-ed again. feel like vomitting) no fever.

ok diarrhea, isosmotic volume contraction, ecf decrease, should i measure for hypotension lol ok nvm i dont even show signs of orthostatic hypotension i think nvm right -.- hmm diarrhea, metabolic acidosis? but i dont have err hyperventilation so theres so respiratory compensation yet. lol what abt hypokalemia? since increased flow rate through the colon will increase outflow and consequent loss of K+..

its ok, i'm drinking some drink thingy called vitamin water that i bought ytd. taste like cordial its actly nice haha. but just so happens the one i bought was the one with "vitamin B and potassium" lol cure for my potential hypokalemia..

yes the first thing i did since i woke is to reach for that drink in the fridge.. and the above has been all i was able to think about as i was half asleep in bed.. leaving house for school in 40 mins.. lol i would like to know the root cause of the diarrhea - secretory? osmotic? motility related? inflammatory? i'm guessing secretory or osmotic but i can't tell without further info.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

found a gem!




LOVE this genre, love it. srsly just love it! its the genre that for years i have loved, but was (and sometimes am still) unable to pinpoint its name/identity, sometimes even unable to describe it. i think the best description i have come up with for this group of music i love is "bm chk bm bm chk, chk" lol. because its not exactly just jazz, not exactly swing, not exactly fully bossa, and i'm not sure how much of "lounge" and "easy listening" this actually fits. wikipedia however, describes mocca's music as "inspired by the retro sounds of the 70s, with influences of swing, bossa nova, Swedish pop, and jazz". so i guess thats it.

although i love such a wide variety of music (ppl who know me will know how i love classical, heavy metal, hard rock, death metal, classic rock, grunge, punk, mando-pop, jpop, kpop, jazz, jap film music, and even some eurobeat techno.. i'm sorry if i missed any genre! i guess i rly do just love music (: ), this genre, rly clicks something special inside me. haha i first heard mocca on this song:





on similar wavelengths are these songs:





this is another bm chk bm bm chk, chk song to me, but definitely different from mocca. its a lot closer to bossa, but in the "modern" or "pop" world perhaps. nonetheless, i REALLY like this song (: it always makes me feel more pleasant after listening to songs like this. (:





and this is melody gardot, i think she's just really under "jazz", but i still like this song a lot, and i'll group all 4 songs above tog, for me haha. pleasant, pleasant.


just wish to share the above.. if anyone is like me who REALLY likes this kinda songs pls let me know cos i really dont know any who do. i suspect people who do may think a bit more like me/is half crazy half pleasant most of the time or smth. idk.



sian.. studying's not too well, and life's depressing.. i rly need to pick myself up.. :/

1) remember the 不动如山 post? yea! stop being bothered by small untied loose ends!
2) START STUDYING WELL FROM TMR!
3) life's not that bleak! can one can one! keep walking k!