Wednesday, January 30, 2008
i am dis-illusioned!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
very therapeutic leh, its the most unlikely place to find solace, but it was really very calming in that 4th floor toilet that i always go to shit in. of course its kinda stuffy and warm, but there was rly therapeutic solace there today. well i say that probably because today i heard a chamber ensemble play there.. not a conventional one, but really, a small group chamber ensemble had a non stop jam there. at least 4 i daresay. i went to see but there really isnt any noticeable movements at all, but the plumbing in the toilet bowl made really really rhythmic and dual/triple pitched parts. it wasnt a constant loop either, there were diff parts and diff beats to it and the plumbing just rly all joined in and the obscure sound of water pressure bopping up and down rly just gave to create such, a new age kind of soft, therapeutic background music that was just so calming to listen to. and im amazed at it, because today i discover such simple wonder, in such a simple place, and there exist soft subtle music.
haha today i ate fruit loops and took bus home hahaha.. (: wats in store for me tmr?
haha today i ate fruit loops and took bus home hahaha.. (: wats in store for me tmr?
Monday, January 28, 2008
today was the first time since quite a while that i asked myself, what am i doing with my life. its quite disconcerting and rly bothers me, esp for someone who thought he knew what he wanted to be, and how to go about doing it. today i was rly very lost and i really dont know what i am doing with my life, and what i should do about it. its like, going to sleep sweaty and sticky on your clean bed la haha. its very there and i dont want it to be that i waste this two years away liddat, i waste the two years away being tired, clouded in the head and just walking around with nothing in mind.. you are damn bad and you are damn dao you are just avoiding me haha, why leh. anw i lost a lot of blood today.. literally haha. zz.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
i just woke, and today must be the worse day to wake up to. i wake up realising that, at the end of the day, i'm going to be alone, and i'm going to grow old and die alone too. everyone is so unreachable, i'm so sick and tired of trying.
the way i waste my life away is seriously damn amazing.. its so stupid because, i seriously dont gain anything at all in the end.. at least when i cock around i'm high and happy and fun and on killing spree haha, but other times, its just either ppl wasting my time or i cant help it but i waste my own time.. i should stop wasting away and do smth for my personal fulfillment!! D: anw am i really not v likeable.. everyone dao me one!! haha.. i shud get a life haha, waste not any moment alr la.. wonder what will be in store for me tmr? for fri?? sat sun??? haha i shud stop scratching cos it causes bleeding i think haha. ok, just got home not long ago, v tired haha. stone around then went to watch movie by crashing bw05's half og outing or smth haha. stephen king's the mist. it was good haha i laughed a lot, but the storyline and stuff were rly good. damn tired, shall go bathe now, so wats on tmr? o.O
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
daisy!
i just got home lol haha, bu cuo la, jazz auds today then slack around and tried to study lol.. anw a lot of lame things happen today (: and it has to stop haha,
daisy!!
i just got home lol haha, bu cuo la, jazz auds today then slack around and tried to study lol.. anw a lot of lame things happen today (: and it has to stop haha,
daisy!!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
ok, so i havent posted since jan 1? hahaha.. its not cos theres nth to blog about or like i v bz no time.. its more like, dont rly feel like blogging lor haha. thats not indication that anyth is bad anyway, i had a wonderful orientation and a wonderful og, BW01 T'eal or no T'eal, with wonderful ogls ali, yelin and carmen, and wonderful og mates that i can nv forget! haha.. i want an og outing soon, and yes when i say this i rmr i'm towkay and ppl are waiting for me to org so hmm i shall decide the weekend soon (likely to be coming weekend la, this is sunday alr!!)
many many things have happened and not happened in jc life haha, and i've decided not to recap the past 3 weeks cos not many ppl will want to read, including me haha. cos i am lazy to recap (Y). but a lot of it is worth recapping la haha, i've got the wonderful og that i really miss, and my new classes and friends haha. but i havent made many because i think i'm quite shhh in rj and i dont rly go say hi to everyone.. actually i do, and it stops there so yea haha. dowan to po leng shui so dont read this but jc life qte sian for me, esp when everyone just mug and mug infront of syllabus so far -.- then i'm like behind syllabus cos i'm like still doing. actly i think i'd be just on track but everyone is 10 times more so i'm behind anyway haha.
dowan to po leng shui again but i really miss my old life and i actually want smth liddat back haha, or else, smth ahead of this life, like when i finally become leet in guitar and work or smth. yea i know it wont help having this kinda approach to whats laid in front of me now, but i cant help either. the past week, i think the thing i looked forward most to each day, was to watch the 9 oclock channel 8 show when i reach home. cos its ending and i want to know wat happens. last epi on monday and guess i'm back to looking forward to nth again and a sian life haha.
ok fine i shud not have such approach to whats going on, must have positive approach! then maybe i'll cope with stuff and like them better/enjoy myself and stuff haha. but rly la, v sian. ok ok -.- i stop, i zhou yi bu kan yi bu see how i can make myself better hahaha.
actly its ok la. v monochrome to me tho. maybe i need excitement in my life LOL. and i'm qte pissed cos i dont have time to pract guitar la. nb. but today god is kind to me because i found my heaven.. weird heaven, but it made me realise where i can get my own heaven and just sit there, angel wont you set me free.
lol i was like blog surfing cos i dowan do work, actly just went to one or two old frens blogs, updated blogs with new entries la. but when i go back to 2007 it makes me miss last time a lot lor, its so diff haha. and then i feel kinda stupid cos actly from top to bottom of this post i seem to be like, lingering on memories haha. which i guess might be qte nub? cos yea must alw cherish this moment! i will la, i do, if i got stuff to cherish la. i might. so i guess its back to yea, maybe i need smth in my life lor. yah, walk and see la haha.
my little brother bought some magnetic slime, which i think is damn cool cos its, well yea magnetic slime -.- its some grey slime thats er. magnetic haha, and its like some supper coag ferrofluid? sludges out to the metal and engulfs/sludges around the thing haha.
oh anw, cant wait to write crap for my homework faster, clear it zz. haha wl, it was rly good leh. rly, v happy and content haha. so i wonder what will happen, what can i do. what are you saying? just say.. or at least cont haha. just cont is good. wish i could go back to my piece of heaven just now and keep playing. or maybe discover new heavens nearer to my house, i wonder if have or not leh haha. my heaven sounds damn good haha. i bet cos god is there. srsly. thnx..
many many things have happened and not happened in jc life haha, and i've decided not to recap the past 3 weeks cos not many ppl will want to read, including me haha. cos i am lazy to recap (Y). but a lot of it is worth recapping la haha, i've got the wonderful og that i really miss, and my new classes and friends haha. but i havent made many because i think i'm quite shhh in rj and i dont rly go say hi to everyone.. actually i do, and it stops there so yea haha. dowan to po leng shui so dont read this but jc life qte sian for me, esp when everyone just mug and mug infront of syllabus so far -.- then i'm like behind syllabus cos i'm like still doing. actly i think i'd be just on track but everyone is 10 times more so i'm behind anyway haha.
dowan to po leng shui again but i really miss my old life and i actually want smth liddat back haha, or else, smth ahead of this life, like when i finally become leet in guitar and work or smth. yea i know it wont help having this kinda approach to whats laid in front of me now, but i cant help either. the past week, i think the thing i looked forward most to each day, was to watch the 9 oclock channel 8 show when i reach home. cos its ending and i want to know wat happens. last epi on monday and guess i'm back to looking forward to nth again and a sian life haha.
ok fine i shud not have such approach to whats going on, must have positive approach! then maybe i'll cope with stuff and like them better/enjoy myself and stuff haha. but rly la, v sian. ok ok -.- i stop, i zhou yi bu kan yi bu see how i can make myself better hahaha.
actly its ok la. v monochrome to me tho. maybe i need excitement in my life LOL. and i'm qte pissed cos i dont have time to pract guitar la. nb. but today god is kind to me because i found my heaven.. weird heaven, but it made me realise where i can get my own heaven and just sit there, angel wont you set me free.
lol i was like blog surfing cos i dowan do work, actly just went to one or two old frens blogs, updated blogs with new entries la. but when i go back to 2007 it makes me miss last time a lot lor, its so diff haha. and then i feel kinda stupid cos actly from top to bottom of this post i seem to be like, lingering on memories haha. which i guess might be qte nub? cos yea must alw cherish this moment! i will la, i do, if i got stuff to cherish la. i might. so i guess its back to yea, maybe i need smth in my life lor. yah, walk and see la haha.
my little brother bought some magnetic slime, which i think is damn cool cos its, well yea magnetic slime -.- its some grey slime thats er. magnetic haha, and its like some supper coag ferrofluid? sludges out to the metal and engulfs/sludges around the thing haha.
oh anw, cant wait to write crap for my homework faster, clear it zz. haha wl, it was rly good leh. rly, v happy and content haha. so i wonder what will happen, what can i do. what are you saying? just say.. or at least cont haha. just cont is good. wish i could go back to my piece of heaven just now and keep playing. or maybe discover new heavens nearer to my house, i wonder if have or not leh haha. my heaven sounds damn good haha. i bet cos god is there. srsly. thnx..
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
i just suddenly recalled, this afternoon my maternal grandmother came to visit us at home. she called my uncle and my aunt to bring her here. it is probably one of the first times shes come over, and its been qte long since i saw her/we siblings regularly visit her.. she looks the same, small, frail, but benevolent as alw.. i've alws been damn ... cos we have language barrier, but today before she left i heard the same phrase she probably has said to me as she held my hand and looked me in the eye every time our family goes back, for the past, i dont know, maybe at least 10 years. she said in teochew, 'next time when you have time, come my place and play'. and i alw said yes i will. just now when i said it i truly wondered when's the 'next time when i have time', all the ginseng teas and prawns. even that bowl of instant noodles which i found ants in. i wonder if god has a weight balance to ultimately tell me how much she loved me, because i have this feeling its too big for my tiny self to take. and i realise i really miss all my old folks liddat.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
i couldn't sleep at all..
not on the bus home anyway -.- haha, very tired, but listened to some beatles song on the way home, timeless.. lol, strawberry fields forever! maxwell's silver hammer, when i'm 64, a hard day's night, i wanna hold your hand, yellow submarine, sgt pepper, and so many more.. i rmr i sat there wondering why all the verses of while my guitar gently weeps were complete except the last 'i look at you all' which was followed by silence haha.. and let it be never fails to bring calm..
haha the same way led zep's achilles last stand never fails to bring calm; achilles last stand is about a great adventure, how could we say no?
not on the bus home anyway -.- haha, very tired, but listened to some beatles song on the way home, timeless.. lol, strawberry fields forever! maxwell's silver hammer, when i'm 64, a hard day's night, i wanna hold your hand, yellow submarine, sgt pepper, and so many more.. i rmr i sat there wondering why all the verses of while my guitar gently weeps were complete except the last 'i look at you all' which was followed by silence haha.. and let it be never fails to bring calm..
haha the same way led zep's achilles last stand never fails to bring calm; achilles last stand is about a great adventure, how could we say no?